Showing:

Showing articles written by j.w..


Show all articles

Showing page 3 (of 6 pages)
Funny story:  Celebrations in the City

Celebrations in the City

'Every thing is on the UP' said City analyst Theobold Mygrief with glee 'unemployment is UP, joblessness is UP, inflation is UP, Bankers salaries are UP. We should be celebrating.' 'But growth is DOWN, wages are effectively DOWN, confidence is DOWN, Tory ratings are DOWN' 'You are in need of education young man. Unemployment going up means wages will be kept down because people are scared o...
View 'Celebrations in the City'
Funny story:  Will & Kate in Comic Strip

Will & Kate in Comic Strip

The Queen is not amused by the latest departure from Royal decorum as a grahic novel with Superheroes Prince William and Kate Middleton are shown stripping in guises similar to Batman and Spiderman. 'There must be some dignity, William' she told her grandson as he climbed on the ceiling and waved his wings. 'Don't worry Grandma. This is a new age and you've got to be in it to know it. This...
View 'Will & Kate in Comic Strip'
Funny story:  The Shame of Eton

The Shame of Eton

A grim Headmaster, followed by his staff walked into the school assembly and went onto the stage so they could look down on the uneasy crowd of boys beneath them. 'Someone has been lying and no one will leave this room until I find out who it was' brayed the Headmaster. Silence. 'Come on I know who you are. You just have to have the guts to admit it!' 'It could be me, Sir' piped a frig...
View 'The Shame of Eton'
Funny story:  New Image for Robbers

New Image for Robbers

Gregory Hess entered a petrol station bought a cup of coffee in Seattle. After drinking it he went to the counter and politely asked: 'Could you empty the till please' After some delaying tactics, the station owner John Henry (grandson the famous American folklore hero) opened the till and gave Hess $300. 'Thank you. I'm sorry about this but I'll pay you back.' With a friendly smile He...
View 'New Image for Robbers'
Funny story:  Conservative's next idea: Big Joke

Conservative's next idea: Big Joke

To replace State funded and establishment humour the Conservative Party have put forward the exciting idea of the BIG JOKE. In future all humour will be created by volunteers. This will save huge amounts of groaning and stifled yawns and should transform the Government's image with the electorate. However, retiring General Secretary of The Raving Loonies Party, Bill Scrap, said that with the...
View 'Conservative's next idea: Big Joke'
Funny story:  West Ham Slip Up

West Ham Slip Up

No sooner are the words out of my mouth than we find they need to be eaten. That gives me a bad feeling in the stomach. Losing 1-0 at home with Robbie Keene in the side. I will no longer predict anything about the Hammers ; they are unpredictable. However I have had a secret session with Mystic Meg - she says she's sees many goals for West Ham next season. In what Division she does not say.
View 'West Ham Slip Up'
Funny story:  Can You Live in a Tree?

Can You Live in a Tree?

The question everyone is asking those in favour of forests is : Can you live in a tree? Monkeys can but humans have problems. Therefore sell off the forests, cut the trees down and build houses - making a considerable profit in the process for the developers. A new scheme has been established, after extensive research among trees. They say they convert carbon dioxide into oxygen but this pro...
View 'Can You Live in a Tree?'
Funny story:  Which Way will Egypt Turn?

Which Way will Egypt Turn?

I am currently under fire in the centre of Cairo interviewing people who are shouting at me in Arabic. It is so exciting. This is history in the making and I am here to tell you all about it. I can pass you to my best mate, Braveheart Simpson, who is now heading a protest rally - Over to you Braveheart. Crackle, pop. Sorry Braveheart has bitten the dust. A sacrifice for freedom and well worth i...
View 'Which Way will Egypt Turn?'
Funny story:  I Never Doubted West Ham

I Never Doubted West Ham

At the outset I wish to make it clear that misunderstood articles from my 'pen' on Spoof in recent months had nothing but praise for Avram Grant, the management and team at the Hammers. Those who claim my current views on this wonderful manager were not complimentary have simply got things wrong. Avram does not wear his heart on his sleeve but he has the heart of a lion. He takes the ignora...
View 'I Never Doubted West Ham'
Funny story:  Murdoch's Cry for Help

Murdoch's Cry for Help

It had to happen. My rise to fame is mind blowing (at least I think that's what it is although this stuff I'm smoking could be giving me schizophrenia). Now, after sorting out Cameron's problems in my brief stay as his Communications Director and giving 'The Two Heads' some timely advice I've got the BIG one - yes it's Rupert 'the Bear' Murdoch!!! I had this strange message to meet an old Au...
View 'Murdoch's Cry for Help'
Funny story:  The Worm Has Turned

The Worm Has Turned

A new threat to the World was revealed to the world today by Prof Mann of the Biological Study Group at Oxford University. 'The worm has turned' Mann explained to a packed audience of scientists from throughout the world 'we are experiencing EXTRA GRAVITATIONAL PULL. This fearful development occurs in the earth's history spasmodically. The cause is deep in the earth's core. This explains the re...
View 'The Worm Has Turned'
Funny story:  I Quit Cameron

I Quit Cameron

I never thought David Cameron would take my advice and stop being a public school bully but he has! I've put in my resignation as his Director of Communications with immediate effect and I'm considering an offer from the two Ed's to help them out. With Labour ahead of the Tories now and bound to go further ahead during the year it might be useful to gauge the Opposition so I have drawn up this...
View 'I Quit Cameron'
Funny story:  Big Society Problem Solved

Big Society Problem Solved

David Cameron approached me with a request for an urgent consultation. As his recently appointed Communications Director I immediately went to his office at No 10. The Big Society, Jim Womble, I need your input. Not a good idea. Why's that? Wooly. No one knows what it's all about. Come on. I've explained it clearly. No you haven't. At heart you may have a good idea. People are no...
View 'Big Society Problem Solved'
Funny story:  First Session with Cameron

First Session with Cameron

Following my appointment to the job as the new Communications Director at No 10 David Cameron asked me to come to a one to one session with him. Here's the result. OK Jim Womble what's your view on my performances at Question Time? You sound like a self satisfied public school bully. Really? So how should I improve? Praise Ed Miliband. Now, come on! That would make all his opp...
View 'First Session with Cameron'
Funny story:  How I got the job as Communications Director at no 10

How I got the job as Communications Director at no 10

Following my appointment as the new Communications Director at no 10 I am initiating a new out-front policy approved by the Prime Minister. This will be an open frank department and it is in this spirit that I release the transcript of some sections of my interview that got me the job, before Wikileaks gets hold of it. INTERVIEW RECORDING Q Why do you want the job Womble? A De money.
View 'How I got the job as Communications Director at no 10'
Funny story:  Interview Granted

Interview Granted

'You can av an interview' Ram Grant, West Ham Manager (as we write) replied 'you are a West Ham fan through and through. You know what it is to suffer.' 'Avram' I began 'you have a record that speaks for itself. Your Cup record is tremendous.' 'Thank you. However my record in the league is not so good. Bottom with Pompey, bottom with West Ham. I have not had many goals to cheer about.' 'T...
View 'Interview Granted'
Funny story:  Why Worry About Bonuses?

Why Worry About Bonuses?

The envy culture is upon us again with layabouts criticising the Banks for taking well earned bonuses. What people need to understand is that Top Executives would go abroad for better deals if bonuses were not paid.' But where did this comment come from? A Banker? A Tory Politician? A Liberal Democrat trying to resurface? No. It is a test transmission from the proposed Fox News! So what have...
View 'Why Worry About Bonuses?'
Funny story:  Predictions for 2011

Predictions for 2011

After studying the stars, especially Elizabeth Taylor and Marylyn Monroe and using my special powers to see into the future I can announce my Official Predictions for 2011. Royal marriages. After divorcing Prince Charles, who decides against Camilla being known as Queen Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall marries Royal Favourite Prince Andrew. As they have both been divorced (Camilla twice) speci...
View 'Predictions for 2011'
Funny story:  West Ham's Christmas Present

West Ham's Christmas Present

'Do you realise that this is our first victory away from home in the league for 16 months?' Penny Smythe exclaimed to her boy friend, Leyton Orient Junior prospect, Terry Smith. 'That was our first match last season when we beat Wolves. I believe we were top of the table for a few hours. A long time ago.' 'But 3-1 away to Fulham. Fulham must be absolutely terrible.' 'They are. At this ra...
View 'West Ham's Christmas Present'
Funny story:  A Black Christmas

A Black Christmas

My father always gave me good advice. He told me that when you have been found out and have absolutely no way out you should get in first by putting the best possible explanation as to how you made your terrible errors. So here goes. My wife is a wonderful woman or sadly was a wonderful woman. But she went too far in criticising my scrambled eggs. Many a dinner table has been charmed by my perf...
View 'A Black Christmas'
Funny story:  Blair Comeback Shock

Blair Comeback Shock

WikiPours have issued another leaked cable. This time it is from America's CIA to Britain's MI5. Top Secret. 'Organise the return of Tony Blair to Premiership 2011. What is needed for this?' 'First he has to become an M.P. again. This can be through a bye election if a Labour M.P. from a safe seat dies.' 'We are not waiting' 'Right. Understood. Then Tony has to be elected as leader of...
View 'Blair Comeback Shock'
Funny story:  Scientologist Outrage

Scientologist Outrage

'What have The Church of Scientology, Twitter, Facebook, Sarah Palin, Swiss Bank Post Finance, Mastercard, Visa and BP got in common?' asked my anonymous friend. 'Well, some are mad, some are rich and powerful, some are against free speech' I suggested. 'True. But what they all have in common is that they have been "inconvenienced" by anonymous forces on the internet.' 'Oh that' I said re...
View 'Scientologist Outrage'

Showing page 3 (of 6 pages)

Breaking News...

True Facts From Snoops #1335

Snoops: The average number of toothpicks people swallow in their lifetime? Three. Mostly from laughing after dinner.

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 1?

9 5 7 18


Go to top ^