Good morning sir, how can I help you?
I'm interested in the poetry of Thomas Hardy.
The poetry of who, sir?
Thomas Hardy.
Poetry, sir?
The poetry of Thomas Hardy, yes.
But this is a stationery store, sir.
So I observe. What of it?
We dont have any poetry books here, sir.
I should think not. No room for that sort of thing here. Not with your groaning shelves so full of al...
Why not visit to Iceland in this periods, it is a jolly good time to have doing so, writes Ralf 'Eric' Projbroffir of the Icelandic Tourism Board of Tourism.
You may will be having a surprised view of your urgings self to have upstarted it!
Faqhur Faquharssen did do, whom having invaded at 896 of in Vjorrskragghvammaey an Iceland island, was so happy to stay where he had good turfing groun...
Well, I started when I sixteen see, working that is, I got lucky cos my uncle, he was a Key Grip in Ealing Studios and my Aunt Renee she was head Seamstress, so I fell on me feet.
Ooh it were hard work though, no slouching or hoping the wag, you had to be there on time and make sure you carried out your duties cos the film see, if it was in production they couldn't afford to be mucked about, it c...
It was a right old ding dong and no mistake, I mean, fancy doing that in front of the general public, a bit like Giraffes having sex in the middle of Piccadilly Circus a real show stopper.
Then, they go and complain saying no one understands them! What was there to understand?
A mouse tightrope walking across the Grand Canyon could not top that for entertainment value and we all know the publi...
Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...
True historical information- A historical research group in Wales has unearthed evidence that one William Shakespeare, father of famous theatrical plays known throughout the world, was also a business cheat. Records have been found that show the author being dragged before a court for hoarding grain during a time of famine. Even more ironically, it occurred at the same time as the presentation of...
We are familiar with the big bang theory, cosmological model depicting the expansion of the universe: from a hot state into present status. The big bang theory can tell us what has happened ever since that time, but it cannot explain the initial condition of, say empty universe, prior to the bang. Neither can I.
Nevertheless, my theory is very straight forward. It is based on spinning tops that...
Dear Diary,
Thank god I'm not in that hell-hole of a place Wandsworth anymore. It was a nightmare to be in there. All I could hear were the little lambs screaming every night and there was nothing that could take their screams away. Now all I can hear is their silence and it's so peaceful.
Now I'm residing at her majesty's pleasure in an 'Open Prison' which is completely different from Wan...
POLITICAL FACEBOOK
Kim Jong Un: Hello Dennis are you there?
8:13 a.m.
Dennis Rodman: Right here Kimmy. What's up dude?
8:16 a.m.
Kim Jong Un: Oh nothing much. I was just having a bowl of rice pudding and reading the latest issue of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily.
8:19 a.m.
Dennis Rodman: Say bro, I sure have been hearing a lot of bad stuff about you lately.
8:21 a.m.
Kim Jong Un...
Across the UK there was outrage today among benefit fans, when long-expected changes to the benefits system came into place.
"I'm outraged," said deceased political activist Spencer Perceval. "This has completely destroyed the benefits system as we know it. Don't they realise that by making small changes that I barely understand but completely disapprove of, the system will cease to exist at al...
All hail to glorious leader Kim Jong-Un! May his heroic leadership crush our enemies with nuclear fist!
For tourist, Britain is small island country on west of Europe, known for hats, royal families and slavery. Weather is always cloudy. National dish is horse but confusingly is labelled beef. National sport is to arrest celebrities.
Historically, Britain is enemy of glorious all-powerful N...
This is the second in a series of two wonderful articles about horrible, vicious, dangerous, hideous, disgusting Australian animals that for some reason contain no mention of Rupert Murdoch. (Note to reader, this article does not contain information about horrible, vicious Australians, although many consider them to be in the category of animals as well. I will cover them in a third article later)...
There are many stories of bravery and heroism from the Second World War, but one group of people are often completely ignored in the complex and significant history of that period.
In her new book "Bozo's War", historian Wendy Wilsfalov explores the roles that clowns played during WW2 on both sides. She argues that many operations during the conflict could not been successfully carried out with...
Dear Parishioner's,
The hall has seen many faces come and go, thank the lord we managed to persuade "The Kim Jong Ill appreciation society" to give up their vigil. The violence was a little over the top but at least no one was arrested. This Easter we see some new faces using the hall and I hope they will be made as welcome as all our previous residents. Please report abuse of the hall to me.
They say that knowledge is 'da bomb'. Quite who 'they' are, is yet to be discovered. However, when presented with somebody else's amazing fact, people are quite often left stumped for an amazing fact in return. Well, no longer. Here is a list of fifty astounding facts to delight and amaze people with, and we can guarantee that nobody will have heard them before, because they're all made up.
Leg...
Sometimes it takes more than a boffin with a Mac to come up with a killer app idea. Here's a top 10 of the best of the worst apps ever to be released:
10. The 'Battery Monitor' App: designed to monitor the power usage of a phone's software and apps so users can make their battery charges last longer. The app consistently showed itself to be the biggest power drain. Verdict: Complete Power Failu...
Edited by Lymington Spode.
News:
Mrs Hane from the Bacon Grinders Forum has been awarded "Sow of the year" yet again.
Ardle Pitterfong has returned from the jungles of Borneo
The interesting insect specimens he brought back with him are being removed at the hospital.
Funeral Directors, Mardews of Dorking are offering a two for one special this month.
Church Hall Events:
March...
The Supreme Court will hear arguments for two potentially-landmark cases for gay marriage this week. Here's a look back at some of the pivotal decisions the Court has rendered on in its history.
1857: Perhaps the most criticized ruling of all-time, the court holds in Dred Scott v. Sandford that people of African descent are not actually human beings. Oddly, no black people were even involved in...
"Look Sir, we have searched the house and I can tell you, hand on heart, he is not here".
"Don't believe it, the silly sod has got drunk and fallen down a crevice somewhere".
"I understand the grounds are quite extensive but my officers and I have had a good look".
"Did you check the old out houses and the barn?"
"Yes sir, every possible nook and cranny has been searched, he is not her...
I remember Stinky a tall cadaverous looking chap with a profound limp in his vocabulary.
We bedded at Cambridge together,he had a habit of wanking under a copy of Country life.
Never saw him after Girton College, just sort of went our separate ways, at Winchester together you know.
Some years later, I am sitting in the Dunlop Club having a snifter when who should walk in?
Dear old Stinky, dr...
Today we interview that star of toy stores and famed actor from the films Toy Story 1,2 and 3, Mr. Potato Head! Visiting him in his penthouse at the Farmer's Market in Manhattan he spills the beans on his illustrious life:
A hearty greetings to you, Mr. Potato Head! Thank you for doing this interview with us. Where is it you are from?
Illinois, but my roots are in Idaho.
I have heard that y...
It's another afternoon at The Red Lion pub. Ron and Fred are already into their second pint at 'their' table.
FRED: You gonna be in this evening at 'ome, Ron?
RON: Yeah, avin a night in t'night I am. Why?
FRED: My son's poppin' raand t' see me later so I'll get 'im t' drop your ladder back in 'is car.
RON: No rush, mate.
FRED: Well, I've finished the ceilin' and the walls ov me kitchen...