Spiderwebs of misty vapour climbed like ivy on the side of the village church, gently. The air was as thick as pea soup after the monsoon rains had subsided allowing the torturous sun to create magic circles of dew dancing upon the misty webs.
The chameloen time machine had served it's purpose, the crew their duty. Now as the splintered, battered raft drifted helplessly floating gently upon the...
The sun burnt down with impunity as a gentle west, south west breeze lifted the ripples alongside the log float causing a fata-morgana of fluffy gay white, furry Father Christmas's to dance upon the waves.
Exitus from the deep, dark, bat hung caverns of Masterchev's inner psyche proved more difficult than expected.
The race to find IT, The Oracle of all that matters and once mattered stumble...
EQ, relaxing on his favourite Chesterfield studded, chrome leather armchair, smoking a clay pipe shaped like a seahorse, acquired on his travels through darkest Dagenham from a gold toothed gipsy-like gentleman with a barrow and stiff leg, pondered.
He gave a dashing image dressed in his purple quilted smoking jacket of finest Malaysian silk, King George silver buttons and stuffed with Manx Cat...
The world has been asking the following 10 questions ever since mankind decided to abandon the caves, conquer the world and "think"! (weeellllllllll?)
The only problem is nobody has been able to answer them!
A "think tank" set up by the Spoof and it's slightly loony writership therefore came up with the following answers:
1. What is the meaning of life? = Fuck All
2. Is there a God? =...
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago being gay was something totally different. What a shame that this wonderful, positive, jolly, merry word has been adopted by the Homo fraternity.
Here are just a few examples of what acting gay was in historical terms:
San Francisco (where?) in the sixties with the flower power Hippies were so jolly, free and very gay (so what's changed, quiz time?).
The "gay" allegations surrounding William Hague are totally without any foundations apart from the fact that he slept with his male assistant in the same bed once and that certainly doesn't mean he's "gay" or does it?
John Lennon once slept with Brian Epstein to test if he would like it (sex with a man) he didn't and maybe Hague didn't like it either (or?).
After all of the problems he's had...
Professor Loonybin Jaggedbananas-Fyffes is now hurtling towards the future and not back. His time-machine is in warp-factor 9 and the stars are looking heavenly tonight, bright, but dammit, suddenly a ginoromous black-hole appears:
The Future has arrived and with it a divine, pristine madness, never experienced before and a tale worth telling.
The landscape is barren and burnt as...
The batteries have been recharged with sulphuric acid caught high in the atmosphere above Iceland and Luton Airport, let the journey commence or stand still, it matters not:
Part II, The Present
It would be futile to mention the most obvious examples of present madness, Bush, Thatcher, Reagan, Blair, etc, but you did? Which proves the fact that Professor Loonybin Jaggedbananas-Fyffes knows w...
Professor Loonibin Jaggedbananas-Fyffes (no relation to the Scottish version) is about to publish a world shattering study in the form of a triology of the past, present and future of "Madness" or in colloquial terms and common
dialect "fucking bonkers" or Sugs.
Significantly, madness always flew over a sparrows nest until some mad US fucker decided to sing about it.
Way back wh...
A UK scientific survey has proved what we all knew already, men are prolific liars and women just lie (down) now and then.
Mums and wives are the most lied too people, obviously.
When men were naughty little boys that's where the lying begins i.e:
1) Mum, I didn't get that bitch pregnant, it was her fault she opened her legs.
2) Mum, I didn't "nick" that money out of your wallet it was D...
After receiving the following consignment from the National Geographic Society to report upon one of the most fabulous areas of Germany called SAUERLAND (in the local dialect, Kuhlschrank = Fridge) Jaggedone tippled off to the region only to discover it really is a fridge.
Stuck between Ruhrgebiet and the Kasseler Berge Sauerland/Kuhlschrank = Fridge is also well known as the "Hollandische Alpe...
As we all know all the French are GAY! They eat chocolate croissants and "dunk" them in their coffee, GHASTLY, that's GAY. They eat frogs legs, slippery and very GAY!
They cheat at Footy, especially that Scarlet "GAY PIMPernel", Messieur Henry, ask the Irish priests, they know him well!
Eat "stiff" Baguettes with sticky, creamy, slimy, stinking camembert dripping out of the sides, that's cer...
Mrs. Jaggedone = 2 recently had the devilish idea to concoct several recipes which respond rather violently to the digestive sytem and bowel area conducing a volcanic combustion effect on the rear end, commonly known as the anus!
It commenced on sunday over an evening meal of best Deutsche Sauerkraut with "Veggie Bangers" and spuds.
The night was spent heaving to and fro, left and right, gas...
Whilst contemplating having a "pussy' share one's life one should study the recommendations given in a Nepalese scientific study recently.
The results were astounding here they are:
A) A white "Pussy" is normally well house-trained, reluctant to sit on one's lap, doesn't like being told when to purr and blows hot and cold!
B) A "Tiger Pussy" can be intimidating, fiery hot and fiercely col...
Global Spoofwriters have been divulging their "New Years Resolutions" to the world and believe me the Spoof readership are in for some shockers!
The world can't wait so here we go:
Ace Spoofer Abel Rodriquez has vowed to lay off of the tequila, Obama and Mexican drug dealers but has promised to keep snorting the shit.
Queen Mudder has vowed to become a Lesbian Nun, give up mud wrestling...
What to do with left over Turkey bits and bobs is no longer a problem?????
After all of the excessive booze & drug abuse over the festive period, scientists, top chefs and Amy Winehouse have discovered the perfect recipe for Hangovers (Jaggedone got cramp HANGING too long OVER the bog)
Here are their recipes for those who think it's Easter and Jesus is about to be c...
On a quick trip to Oslo, Obama decided it was time to really do something for himself instead of always "acting" on behalf of the Human Race, excluding the Taliban, Iraqi insurgents, Bin Laden and the KKK.
He dropped in to pick up his very Nobel prize while the rest of the world was left wondering why?
Here are maybe a few better candidates than Barack who could have easily "knocked him into...
England have protested to the FIFA about everything and every other participating team in the World Cup 2010 and have demanded a free BYE to the Final!
This extraordinary request is based upon the following facts:
A) The home nation are African and have no right to be there?
B) France are a bunch of cheats, lyers and Poofs and have Platini backing them.
C) Spain are too good and should...
Here is a tale to tell all Spoof metal/rock freaks, hope you enjoy it, it was taken from my blogsite and edited especially for metalhead Spoof readers and writers
Jaggedone has been literally
There's not many things that excite this ol fart but last Monday in downtown Cologne, Germany, me and me ol slave WAN-KIN-DIK were given a mega-nuclear-B...
Once home of the glorious, filthy, debauched wild-wild-west (Will Smith often bonked there!) Bordello Falls had now deteriorated into a windy, bone dry, dust bowl called a "Ghost town" not even Hyenas and Dingos would enter (difficult actually as they reside in Africa and Australia, never mind, you know what I mean!) even vultures, scorpions and rattlers would make a wide berth avoiding Bordello.
The Streets Of Bordello Falls
The Alamo pales into insignificance as Bordello Falls into it's "Last Stand"
Recap: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7
The passing topsy - turvy years had cast a scar across the windswept, dusty mainroad linking east with west through Bordello Falls.
Times were quieter, but on this particular b...
Spoilt brat, well known "high society screwer" and ex-husband of right royal "screwer" Fergie, has decided to opt for a new career as, THINKER!
This surprising re-THINK has opened up plenty of opportunities for the Duke of York to divulge to the public his thoughts on several touchy subjects like for example bankers bonuses, etc!
Andy THINKS they're OK, well he is a "bonking moron" and the b...