We'll have an X-Men, X-files, X-Box, no socks, X-Factor, Max Factor, Max Bygraves, no war graves of a Christmas
I want empathy, an MP3, a hemp-free, hump-free, grump-free, Humperdink, have-a drink of a Christmas
An Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Oh strictly come dancing, come-on come-on, curmudgeonly comfy chair of a Christmas
A Doctor Do-Little, Doctor Who, PS2, Snoop Dog, poop scoop, Scooby...
We'll have an X-Men, X-files, X-Box, no socks, X-Factor, Max Factor, Max Bygraves, no war graves of a Christmas
I want empathy, an MP3, a hemp-free, hump-free, grump-free, Humperdink, have-a drink of a Christmas
An Oh Come All Ye Faithful, Oh strictly come dancing, come-on come-on, curmudgeonly comfy chair of a Christmas
A Doctor Do-Little, Doctor Who, PS2, Snoop Dog, poop scoop, Scooby...
A Magazine Ate My Brain by Rob Barratt
Jordan's had a boob job
Charlotte's had a baby
I ate my own umbilical cord
With carrots, peas and gravy
Jordan's had a boob job
I wish I had her talents
Her breasts are always under threat
From chemical imbalance
Jordan's had a boob job
With silicone implanted
I slept with Elvis Presley's mum
When she got stuck at Stansted
Jordan's had a...
It's damp and grey on the River Spey
And it's cold and dark there too
But it's seventeen in Aberdeen
And the sky's an azure blue
How cold it feels in Gallashiels
And it's blowing quite a hoolie
But it's seventeen in Aberdeen
No need to wear a woolly!
The fog hangs thick in the town of Wick
And there's drizzle in Kirkaldy
But it's seventeen in Aberdeen
Where you can tan your body...
So politicians now admit
That as students they smoked some …drugs
In history, I think you'll find
That others have been so inclined
The following may not be true
If named offenders wish to sue
'Cos everyone's tried marijuana
From Genghis Khan to Wayne Fontana (and The Mindbenders)
William the Conqueror stubbed out a roach
As Hastings shore he did approach
The Mona Lisa's smile...
Halloween is coming up so I thought I'd send this in. The friendly "greeter" in my local supermarket mispronounced "Beers, wines and spirits" whilst on mic. It got me thinking and I wrote this:
Beerswines and Spirits by Rob Barratt
When the supermarket's quiet at the end of the day
The beerswines and spirits all come out to play
The swines drink their beer from a can with a widget
Th...