The Story So Far: There still isn't much of a story really, but the clues are all there, providing you know where to look. It's a complex web of intrigue - so complex in fact that nobody seems to know what the fuck is going on. We're only up to Episode Six, and already the comedic devices appear to be mined to exhaustion. Stiffy, the priapic comedy dog appears to have vanished off the face of the...
The story so far...
To be brutally honest, there isn't much of a story so far. In fact it's all just a little confusing. Youthful adventurers, The Spiffing Six are on holiday in Cornwall at Aunt Peg's cottage, and they haven't really done much of anything, other than eat and drink a lot. They did see a mysterious light out on the cliffs, but nothing seems to have come of the anticlimactic incid...
1999:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
The best - Ole Gunnar Solksjaer sticking a leg out at the Nou Camp in Barcelona in the dying seconds. Manchester United winning the European Cup for the first time since 1968. The memories, the passion, the love for this local institution which became an international behemoth...
The sorrow - that Sir Matt and the lads of 58 - the...
6:00 - The Six O Clock Good News
Dominic Blatter presents the good news, for those who don't particularly like bad news stuff about wars, crime, corruption etc. The good news shows furry animals doing comical things, and old people doing crazy stuff like wing walking on WWI biplanes.
6:30 - Regional News, Dorking Today
Featuring an interview with a tramp, and a feature about viagra addic...
Local couple, Martin and Anne Shuttlecock went for a big night out this evening, in order to celebrate Anne's ongoing recovery from major surgery, and her subsequently excellent prognosis.
Various options for the big night out were explored, before Anne finally elected to go shopping at the new Tesco store in downtown Dorking.
The one by the roundabout with the really confusing array of traf...
The story so far - what precious little there is of it - the Spiffing Six have travelled to Aunt Peg's cottage on the Cornish coast, for the summer hols. Nothing really noteworthy has happened thus far. The Six, (Of whom there are really only four.) appear to have done nothing much, other than get drunk, smoke some weed, overeat, and pissball about trying to follow some chap who was larking about...
Apps are wonderful things - they provide all manner of solutions to all manner of situations, demands, foibles, and even sexual desires.
But if nobody likes you?
There isn't an app for that.
And software engineer Johnny Soffit should know - he's been trying - and failing - to develop such an app for years.
"It all started when I received an Email from a person who claimed that nobody w...
Following the terrible news that soul diva, Whitney Houston was found dead in the bathroom of a Hollywood hotel yesterday, at the age of 48 - local man, Martin Shuttlecock, laid bare his thoughts on the demise of an iconic figure in the world of music.
"I didn't even know her," a stunned Shuttlecock told reporters. "Never met the woman, but the wife was a bit upset about it. She said she shed a...
Update - The story so far... The Spiffing Six (Of whom there are four, and a somewhat priapic dog,) have arrived at Aunt Peg's cottage at Puddleby Cove, and have encountered a mysterious figure, flitting about amongst the rocks in the cove, in a highly suspicious manner. The Spiffing Six attempted to pursue the suspicious character, but - hampered by overindulgence in food, Headbanger beer, and a...
Following on from episode one, in this abridged version of the classic Mystery Of Puddleby Cove, we completely bypass the original Chapter Two, which described how the twins, Tugboat and Martina, accompanied by cousin Spanky, faced down a pair of football hooligans, as the Spiffing Six, or three quarters of it, indulged in their passion for smoking weed and swilling imported Headbanger Beer.
In...
EPISODE ONE
It was a gloriously sunny, bright and stiflingly hot day, at the very beginning of the school summer hols, and fifteen year old twins, Tugboat and Martina Browne were busily packing cases in their bedroom.
Even though the huge 16th Century manor house they inhabited had eleven spacious bedrooms, they absolutely insisted upon sharing. They shared everything; they were extremely cl...
Hi there.
You probably don't know me, but that's beside the point. I'm Yuck Skidmark, and I live in Stella Street, Dorking, which although you've probably never heard of it, is where international superstars (who aren't in rehab) come to chill out and take five.
It's an interesting street, with lots of exciting stuff going on in it, and near it, come to think of it. So I thought I'd write do...
Budding scriptwriter, Chester Swanage St-Ives, today revealed that he is preparing to embark upon a Hollywood trip, in order to promote his latest screenplay, 'The Manderley Romantic Menage a Trois Of Doomed Starcrossed Victorian Lovers High On Crack. (With Horses.)'
Starring Keira Knightley, Emma Watson, and Vinnie Jones, with cameos from Katie Price, Natasha Giggs, Bono out of U2, David Bowie...
Good Evening.
I'm Martin Shuttlecock, and speaking on behalf of my beloved wife and myself, I would like to extend the warmest of New Year's greetings and felicitations to those who read this.
The ones who don't can all fuck off.
Right - It's traditional to look to the New Year with optimism. It's the done thing to hope for a peaceful New Year, and wish happiness, health and prosperity up...
Many things annoy us, from women leaving the toilet seat down, public transport, the price of fuel and annoying junk mail, to women who complain you left the toilet seat up, family members who come visiting and never quite seem to know when it's time they fucked off, taxes, computer viruses and people who talk absolute bollocks about subjects they know nothing about.
Here's our chart rundown of...
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today launched an astonishing broadside directed at internet trolls - trolls being people who cause malevolent mischief and deliberately set out to provoke and upset others online - by saying that in extremis, such trollish activity could feasibly result in extreme consequences for the unfortunate recipient.
In a week which has featured a particularly tragic appar...
Don't get me wrong, because I really enjoy Christmas. It's a time out from work, a time to share with the family, a time to eat, drink, and be merry, and hold the real world at bay for a few days.
Remembering all the while that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus, and hopefully a time to stop the violence and insanity in the world, albeit temporarily.
The flip side of this is th...
The very earth itself shook, shuddered and trembled as it was rent virtually asunder under the incredible violence of a massive artillery bombardment, as the allied infantrymen swarmed up the ridge at dead of night.
Searchlight beams criss-crossed the enveloping darkness, ineffectively trying to illuminate the nearby German positions, by bouncing the light back off the low cloud cover, as artil...
Dear Ed,
Is your name really Ed? Or is it something like Trevor, or Kevin? If that's the case, then why don't people write letters to Trev, or Kev? I've never been able to comprehend that - despite having a loud and rather authoritarian voice. It's one of those things which have dogged me from early childhood, when I inadvertently witnessed the master of the house, performing an act of exquisit...
From a Red
It wasn't always good.
26 years without winning the league. An FA Cup win over Palace, and the following season, a wet night in Rotterdam when we beat Barcelona in the Cup Winner's Cup final.
At last - a European prize.
Following five years of oblivion.
A failed title challenge, culminating in embarrassment at Anfield - to the delight of the Scousers. Leeds win the league...
Dear Ed
Re- Hair. I used to have quite a bit of it. Then I got to a point in life where I didn't have quite so much, and now I find I don't have any at all. My wife attributes it to my age, but I don't believe her. If that was the case, how come the ones on the backs of my fingers and the tops of my toes keep growing? Answer me that then, eh! Eh!
Telly Savalas
Newbury.
*****
Dear Si...
The following emails about The Dorking Review, that much revered literary extravaganza, were received at the offices of Martin Shuttlecock, PR guru, media mogul, and aspiring train driver. It isn't really an office at all. It's just his front room.
From paranoidandroid:
It isn't a proper book. You stapled sheets that you'd printed off your computer, onto the cover of a proper book. To make i...