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Funny story:  Taylor Swift arrested for Mann Act violations concerning Conor Kennedy

Taylor Swift arrested for Mann Act violations concerning Conor Kennedy

HYANNIS PORT MA (ABSNN) - Taylor Swift, 22, was indicted this morning by a federal grand jury for violating the Mann Act, after admitting that she drove Conor Kennedy, then 17-years-old, across state lines and the two "engaged in heavy petting, but only outside my tee shirt." "The Grand Jury had two federal crimes from which to choose to indict, Ms. Taylor," said assistant US Attorney William J...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #17

My life as a man #17

Free moustache rides to Cow Girls who will help me train This morning, I received an email from a woman friend on my SitonmyFacebook page who informed me that a former girlfriend was trashing me over my short-comings as a cunnilinguist. Well, that's just wrong, dammit! I consider myself to be artiste at the craft, and I'll tell you why (you knew I would, dincha). Due to the fact that I...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #16

My life as a man #16

What's this mutual masturbation craze about? I believe I've mentioned here, once or twice, that I am attempting to get laid. Hour after hour I troll all of the sexual dating sites to check out women's profiles. I peruse their Sexual, Kinky, and Fetish Scales, and match them with mine, just to see if I measure up. I find that I lack one important arousal quotient that would make me more attr...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #15

My life as a man #15

It's gonna be a crap day! I don't know about you, but I can tell, from the get-go, what kind of day it's going to be as soon as I wake up. If I wake up hearing the birds happily chirping their hearts out and I want to get up and rip their tiny asshole hearts out, it's going to be a shitty day. If I wake up and hear the birds happily chirping their hearts out and I want to go out and fee...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #14

My life as a man #14

I've got the Anger Management Class Blues I have hated Yankees since my ill-spent youth. I grew up in the hills of the Virginias and Carolinas. Every summer, my family spent countless hot hours manning an Apple Cider (and Apple Brandy) stand alongside US 60, in Kanawha County, West Virginia. We owned an apple orchard, and for my family, during the season, it was all hands on deck, prun...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #13

My life as a man #13

I don't watch internet pornography because visiting those sites leaves traces on your computer, and you never know when your sister is going to go through your search history-AND-there's always the chance that, after you're dead, your heirs might sell your computer to a church, and while the congregants are using it for a power-point presentation on Christmas Eve, might hit the wrong button, see w...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #12

My life as a man #12

Honey-Do Lists and Female Barbers I'm telling you all right now, and you can look it up here on my writer's profile: My turn-ons do not include crawling on my belly through damp, bushy, dark places with deep, wet holes.... OK, OK, I'll reconsider that. I do not like crawling under the goddamned house to change air conditioner filters. I'm retired; I make enough money to pay some out-a-wor...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #11

My life as a man #11

Dating, workplace, perils of... I am getting to know a few of my readers here, and those of you with whom I chat online know that I do research in archives and photography--mostly about military history and especially regarding the US Civil War. Yes, in real life, I am a geek, to the bone. When women find out what I do they are polite, express absolutely no interest, and move on to the lepe...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #10

My life as a man #10

I've been accused of being a grumpy old man; it is true, I am. Some folk, mostly shrinks, ask me why I am so grouchy all the time; is it nature or nurture? I live for this question! It is both in my nature to be grumpy, and my nurturing assures I shall never change. Seven European families make up the sum of my gene pool. It was pissed in, repeatedly, by the women who swam there. Two...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #09

My life as a man #09

The last Boy Scout Ordinarily, being the strong, silent type of guy I am, I do not complain about my life. My life has its ups and downs, but the mountains aren't too tall-the valleys not too deep. I'm an Aquarius, a water sign. I have high tides; I have low tides. The human body is mostly made up of water; yet a walk through the ocean of my mind would scarcely get your feet wet. I'm no...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #08

My life as a man #08

I really want to know just what it is about men that women dislike so much? I mean, why do you women bother with us men at all? We are no longer a biological necessity because you women conned men into tossing off in cups (HOW HARD WAS THAT?) in order to build huge genetic banks from which you may make withdrawals, so you women can pick and choose certain physical and mental traits for your...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #07

My life as a man #07

I just received a beautiful card from a lady here on my computer. It wished me to have a beautiful and rewarding day. What a wonderful gesture, and to receive it first thing in the morning with her heart-felt well-wishes for my day sent chills up and down my spine. Just who are the people that make up these fairy-god-mother greeting cards AND, just what the fuck are they smoking? Can I get som...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #06

My life as a man #06

I had to work all day today and, aside from making some money that my spawn will end up spending, nothing good came of it, all that work I mean. Does this happen to anybody else or am I alone in thinking that the people making money off of me owe me a little bit more than money? It would be a welcome change if the woman who is my boss would give me a blow job along with my pay check. Sh...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #05

My life as a man #05

I may not be the brightest bulb on the porch, the sharpest knife in the drawer; I'm no Edison; my philosophy may not be up to Kant's; but I am not as dumb as a bag of hammers either, except when I'm drunk at 0-dark-30, and decide to call up some old gal I haven't seen since 1969, and tell her husband that she's mine and "I'm a-comin to get her!" Or worse, I cry and tell her I never stopped loving...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #04

My life as a man #04

How I got kicked out of Divinity School, Lost my virginity and won the Vietnam War Or God's own warrior wins the piece It all begins with the war in Vietnam, my story does. I was in high school in Charleston, West Virginia and was faced with the inevitable for a young man in the United States during the late 1960's: the Selective Service Act or the Draft. I had not thought too much abou...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #03

My life as a man #03

Anybody who tries to tell me there is one, an all-powerful, caring God who rewards human beings for their good works and punishes human beings for evil is full of shit. I can prove it; any seven-year-old in a catechism class can prove it too: God cannot be all-powerful because God cannot create a rock so heavy God cannot pick it up. So, fuck you; let it go. Yes, I know, you believe the rewa...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #02

My life as a man #02

The question I am asked most often is: What makes you think the way you think? That question is usually followed by this question: Were you dropped on your head as a child, maybe repeatedly? The answer to both questions is: I do not know. Many of my friends who have known me since I was a boy believe that my thinking was somehow screwed up during the Summer of Love in 1968. They belie...
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Funny story:  My life as a man #01

My life as a man #01

I thought my life could not get any worse than it is; I was wrong! I just found out that, in addition to not being able to find a human female who will buy my line of shit, my absolute favorite star, Adam Fucking Lambert has huge arm fat. My life, such as it is and has been for 61 years, is now at an end. I fully intend to slit my throat and fucking die, die, die because ole AdLam has fat a...
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Funny story:  Confessions of an undercover Jesuit in Mormon American Fork, Utah and how I alone will defeat Mitt Romney

Confessions of an undercover Jesuit in Mormon American Fork, Utah and how I alone will defeat Mitt Romney

I am a Roman Catholic clergyman, a Jesuit. From 1991 through the fall of 1994, I lived in American Fork, Utah, a then small, village between Salt Lake City and Provo. I was a missionary to the Mormons. I was also deeply under cover. For the first year-and-a-half my cover was that of a bar fly with my own stool at the le Sabre Lounge in American Fork, an honest to goodness bar (a private cl...
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Funny story:  Obama Beer Pong Interview

Obama Beer Pong Interview

Editor's Note: President Barack Obama not only drinks beer (like a regular Joe); he brews beer in the White House. This so intrigued Fr. Francois Dubois, S.J., Political-Sex Writer for theSpoof.com, that he wrote to the President to invite him for an interview to run here--And to play Beer Pong at the Convent of the Queer, in Goldang, West Virginia. The President accepted. What follows is the...
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Funny story:  Romney tells Michign audence to 'Chill out!'  And they did

Romney tells Michign audence to 'Chill out!' And they did

KALIMAZOO, MICHIGAN (ABSNN)-- Mitt Romney was heckled by an audience in this Michigan town. He tried jokes; he tried serious poetry readings; he tried shaking hands, but nothing seem to please them. So he asked them what they wanted to hear from him. They heckled him even more until he finally shouted to them to "Chill (the hell) out!" The audience sat dumbstruck. It is my humble opinion th...
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