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Funny story:  Beauty. Is it really only skin deep?

Beauty. Is it really only skin deep?

Hoff here. The phrase goes "Beauty is only skin deep". Of course this came from of some whiny piss-ant guy who was bar-snubbed on a Saturday night by a drunk, hot-looking broad. It's always that way. It's always the guy who gets the cold shoulder. "Cold shoulder". That's a phrase your Grandpop used. It meant that someone wasn't going to get laid that night. It is a whiny phrase... the Beau...
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Funny story:  Newlywed Husband Wants Sex All The Time

Newlywed Husband Wants Sex All The Time

Dear Mom, Well we have been married two months today and I have been wanting to discuss something with you but couldn't do it in person or on the telephone since the government bugs everything, including e-mails. It's a little embarrassing but I was wondering if when you and dad got married did he want to have sex all the time? I can understand most nights but not all the time. I love Bi...
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Funny story:  Online Romance Can Lead to False Sense of Adequacy

Online Romance Can Lead to False Sense of Adequacy

Inadequate. A failure. Not good enough. These are all feelings some people have about themselves, and words used to describe that person by others. Absorbed deeply enough and they can cause one to fold in upon themselves leading to apathy, lethargy, isolation, depression, thoughts of moving somewhere far away, thoughts of suicide, and in the worst cases, actual suicide. Alternatively, the inadequa...
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Funny story:  Russia's Preparations For War Leaked

Russia's Preparations For War Leaked

The CIA has announced that it has obtained a list, containing detailed plans regarding Russia's preparations to invade Ukraine, and then initiate a war with the United States. The list includes: 1. Infiltrating online Russian bride dating sites with burly KGB officers dressed in bikinis and wearing wigs. 2. Propaganda team Photoshopping an image of Vladimir Putin knocking out Barack Obama...
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Funny story:  Changing of the Guards

Changing of the Guards

Every day, people, just like buffalo herds in Africa, intently watch a despicable sight: a woman being attacked by a number of masked assailants, here; there, a weak buffalo or calf by a single lion. The masked men vigorously pull away the shoulder-strap purse of a woman, leaving home for shopping or other businesses, with impunity, in public thoroughfares. The more heinous spectacle is the ever-i...
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Funny story:  Book Review - Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James

Book Review - Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James

This is a book I simply could not put down, due entirely to the fact that I was involved in a rather unfortunate sexual bondage role play game involving 234 rolls of sticky tape. And a goat. However, once I managed to remove the goat from my apartment I did read the book. There are many words I could use to describe this book, fantastic, great, superb, remarkable, outstanding, stupendous...
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Funny story:  Book Review - Peter Pan by Some Bloke Called Barry

Book Review - Peter Pan by Some Bloke Called Barry

This book "Hooked" me from page one, one of the only bright memories of a sad childhood plagued by bouts of bed wetting, temper tantrums and soiled underwear......I really wish Grandma hadn't moved in with us.... I digress. Peter pan is a kid that never grow up, a bit like Arnold from Different Strokes. However, instead of being adopted by a rich white guy, Peter Pan embarks on a horrendo...
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Funny story:  Book Review - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Book Review - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

One of my favorite books. Once I realized it was not a non-fiction book about a census study on a small French Island or a Sesame Street character with a fetish for numbers and in fact a tale of revenge, hidden identities and twists I was pleasantly surprised. If in fact anyone did compile a census of Monte Cristo, and did indeed count the residents of the small island, I am led to believe t...
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Funny story:  Sober up, Vlad!

Sober up, Vlad!

Morely Unsafer: Welcome back to 42-and-a-half minutes. Vladimir Putin's annexation of Crimea has drawn international outrage. Rudy Giuliani calls him a "true leader"-what is he smoking?-but pretty much everyone else is pissed. Our next guest is Russia expert and addiction counselor Vasily Strokinoff. Usafer: Mr. Strokinoff, what is Vladimir Putin's problem? Strokinoff: Putin is an addict-he...
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Funny story:  Satire Web Study A Mixed Bag

Satire Web Study A Mixed Bag

ANYWHERE-- Just yesterday, web technicians and various analysts at a reputable Think Tank published a study pertaining to the number of 'satire' websites around the internet. It's up for debate on whether the study devoted enough attention to the subject of the 'quality' of the satire found across the web. The study is not available in print, but readers of this magazine can find it at www.
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Funny story:  Beware the Bluetooth

Beware the Bluetooth

The following is a cautionary tale for the ever more digital, unaware and irresponsibly horny among us. It was December 25, for the heathens amongst you, this is the day us true believers celebrate the birth of our lord and savior by displaying a murdered sapling in our homes and drinking in proximity to people who share similar DNA. This particular Christmas was particularly idyllic. My ex...
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Funny story:  The Lizzy Awards

The Lizzy Awards

Why nobody in Stratford knew that Shakespeare wrote plays in London.....because this never happened Scene: Albert Hall, 1600 Announcer: And now for the award we have all be waiting for...the best play of 1599....The nominess are: Ben Jonson for "Everyman in his Humor"; Thomas Dekker for "Shoeman's Holiday"; John Webster for "The White Devil"; Thomas Middleton for "The Changeling"; and Wi...
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Funny story:  President on Putin:

President on Putin:

Following is a transcript of U.S. President Barack Obama's press conference today on the Russian occupation of Crimea and other topics. Q: Mr. President, will the United States impose additional sanctions on Russia even if Europe doesn't follow suit? President: My press secretary Jay Carney told me to say, 'I don't answer hypotheticals.' Q: What do you say to critics who say your post-Ira...
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Funny story:  Hollyweird's Hottest: Ellen Page

Hollyweird's Hottest: Ellen Page

Ellen Philpotts-Page is another Canuck who, unable to make it in Canucka, invaded the U. S., using the alias of "Ellen Page," in an attempt to become somebody. In Canucka, she tried her hand at acting, starring in My Little Pony as a horse's ass. This role led to a bit part in Trailer Park Trash, which, in turn, landed her a role in Degenerate. Additional parts in Hard Candy and Nympho led to h...
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Funny story:  Why I Will Not Go See the New Blockbuster Movie Noah

Why I Will Not Go See the New Blockbuster Movie Noah

By the Atheist Curmudgeon Like many who grew up in this Christian nation, I read the story of Noah's Ark in Genesis 6-9 as a kid. Then later, as an adult who could tell the difference between fairytales and reality, I read it again. Unlike parts of the Bible (like Ecclesiastes) which I've returned to more than once for their beauty and wisdom, the story of Noah's Ark is one I rarely go back t...
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Funny story:  5 Questions about Ukraine and Crimea you're afraid to ask and really shouldn't ask

5 Questions about Ukraine and Crimea you're afraid to ask and really shouldn't ask

WASHINGTON D.C. - As Vladimir Putin defies Washington's wishes, millions of Americans are left asking questions that would never be asked in other first-world countries. Spare yourself some embarrassment and commit this info to memory. Also, change the subject if someone brings all this up in conversation. 1) Is it "The Ukraine" or "Ukraine"? Short answer: Who the hell cares? Long answer: I...
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Funny story:  Book Review - Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne

Book Review - Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne

This book was a little too deep for my liking. As a shallow sort of guy I was a little out of my depth. As I read it my heart sank as I plunged into a depression. I do not like to whale, and I am not fishing for compliments, but this was oceans worse than my book, Seven Leagues Under the Sea. Anyway, I hope that in the years to come Miss Verne writes other books, she is a talented write...
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Funny story:  Book Review - The List by Steve Martini

Book Review - The List by Steve Martini

A Twat is a MASSIVE fan of Steve Martin. He loved him in Parenthood and Parenthood 3 (not so hot on Parenthood 2) and he is utterly hilariously as that guy with the big nose. A TWAT DID NOT KNOW HE WROTE BOOKS! Wow! What a talented guy, despite his big nose. What the list is, A Twat does not know, by A Twat, who is continuing to write in third person, also could write a book about lists...
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Funny story:  Book Review - The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M Cain

Book Review - The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M Cain

A Twat wishes his postman would ring once! Many a time A Twat have missed letters and packages because he is too LAZY to ring the doorbell...and he hates A Twat's pack of rottweilers that A Twat allows to roam around in A Twat's yard. A Twat suggests that A Twat's postman read this book and consider ringing at least once in future! A Twat liked this book and A Twat has today decided to refer...
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Funny story:  New Feudalism

New Feudalism

Housing has become a serious issue as of late. Age old issues of sub-standard housing and illegal tenant evictions still are still alive and well, recently having been joined by new scams and blood-suckers like sub-prime mortgages and time-share hucksters. Worse than any of these, relatively recent quagmires, they are still nothing compared to those of the pre-Capitalist Feudal Era. Ah, yes,...
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Funny story:  MH370 and Putin

MH370 and Putin

In 1967, Israel's Arab neighbors suffered severe defeat in the Six-Day War. In particular, much of the Egyptian forces and equipment were destroyed and Sinai Peninsula, 60,000 km² vs. 20,770 km² Israel, was captured by Israeli forces. After the war, Nasser, the Egyptian leader, died of a heart attack, in 1970 to be succeeded by Anwar Sadat. In 1973, the regime of Egyptian president, Anwar Sadat...
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Funny story:  Wisdom From The MENSA Dropouts

Wisdom From The MENSA Dropouts

Four Bits of Special Knowledge That Will Show Everyone You Are MENSA Quality! My wife and I know we have to make a few sacrifices for our marriage to work, but the animal shelter people are beginning to get a little suspicious. When my wife and I first met, she didn't like me much because I'm almost 40 years older than she is. But I eventually won her over, partially because I've g...
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Showing page 2 (of 422 pages)

Breaking News...

President Obama OK' Trillion Dollar Bills

Will print only 20 but we will send our creditors and pay off national debt. And so I get no argument, I put Ronald Reagan's picture on it.

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