A new drug has been developed to combat what its manufacturers' claim is an increasing rise in what it calls "conspiracy theory syndrome". We went along to F.U. Pharamceuticals in Baltimore to interview leading research scientist there Dr. Hugh.B.Still.
I asked the doctor:
"Do you believe there is a need for this drug?"
"Our research shows that the need is overwhelming. We see the syndrom...
I take my lunch at the same time every damn day. At the appointed hour, I rise from my desk and vacate the building as quickly as possible (usually via the 1st floor window). Evading the guard dogs and searchlights, I take a five minute walk across a very busy road to the local Tesco for a sandwich, a packet of crisps and a critique of the human condition.
In between bouts of awareness toward...
Elysium, R.I.P.D., Gravity
It happened over one weekend. Actually, it was within a twenty-four hour period that I watched these movies - three movies that will forever be etched on my brain as nothing more than a complete waste of my time and effort.
Ok, let's start with the first shitty-arsed puppy that wandered into my DVD player and took a dump.
How anyone can make a film in which you...
I find it ridiculous to accuse the glorious and magnificent all-powerful Facebook being of manipulating my emotions. I was logged in for an hour this morning and found it very enlightening to rapidly assimilate the Cyrillic alphabet. Must reach Kremlin. If my emotions were manipulated surely I'd be ecstatic that England are out of the World Cup and I'm not. Mainly because they are still in it acco...
Of all the expressions that fill the languages of the world, "Loose Lips Sink Ships" is probably my favorite. I know what it means; I really don't have much reason to use it. Hardly any. Pop phrases like this are many times proceeded by "Well, you know what they say.." Examples: "Well, you know what they say...
-- A fool and his money are soon parted.
-- You're just beating a dead...
I. S. Wallow Asks:
Dear Auntie Jean, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain.
My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me ei...
The elephant in the room has taken his own life. He was suffering from clinical depression. He was extremely self-conscious, thinking that he makes others uncomfortable. He was always confused about people's true feelings towards him and he never understood his own place in this world.
Sometimes people ignored him and sometimes he was the talk of the room either way no one ever really saw him...
One time 60 a day cigarette holder wielding Lady Penelope has offered to help Spoof Readers quit smoking. "The entire Thunderbird team was getting through a total of 6000 cigarettes a day in the 1970s" explained Parker, Lady Penelope's bit of rough.
"It was a little over the top on the smoking front. The thing was that everything was powered by fireworks - no C.G.I you see, and we all smok...
New York City - What does Pope Francis have in common with The Magic Eight Ball? They both are infallible, possessing the magical ability of always providing the right answer at the right time.
But there is one question that they haven't examined: who between the two is the smartest? The ball? Or the bishop? The Institute for the Intensely Intelligent recently conducted an Infallibility Face-...
Under the capitol dome
There was a megaphone
And a whole lot of goons
And a picture of
McCain railing just like a loon.
And there were thirty House members full of hot air
And two anchors from FOX
Wearing identical socks
And a tired refrain
Repeated day after day
About a trumped up scandal by the name of Benghazi
Intoned all day by the Koch brothers' patsies.
During the World Cup Finals, we've seen a lot of good matches, but none have been more exciting than Japan vs Greece. Here we are with live commentary from Barry Testes and Gary Ovum.
Barry: Whether you like the Japanese game or you prefer it Greek style, we've got plenty on show for you tonight. You join us for the second half kick-off, the game currently standing at an exhilarating 0-0. And i...
"Controllate che il laccio di plastica sia avvolto in modo
che la fibbia grande sia verso l'esterno. Se la fibbia e rivolta in dentro, girate il laccio in senso opposto prima di inserire la criniera del leone. (Fig. 7) del foglio di istruzioni incluso."
Let's get going now, okay?
While the car is warming up in the driveway
Like someone getting over bypass surgery.
C'mon, let's go,...
It is time for an ode to that great Olympic spokesman for planetary unity and peace, Russian Premier Vladimir Putin.
This is the very same Vlad The Impaler who is also a political schemer, liar and international underground terrorist.
Sing to the tune of the famous theatrical show tune Puttin' On The Ritz:
If you're buddy Yanukovych is screwed and don't know what to do
what to loot, who...
Ben O. Verbitch asks: Auntie Jean, After having won second prize in a hamper competition consisting of 100kg of radioactive canned spinach, I rubbed some of it on my testicles and now I have the wedding tackle of an elephant.
Auntie Jean Advises : This is terrible. See a surgeon and then try to dump the radioactive spinach in several public litter bins. Failing that put it on your garden gnom...
If you wake up in a squalid, dirty room, sleeping on the floor, no money, and being shouted at to start working your 19 hour day, you might be in a cult.
There are usually signs to let you know the friendly group of people that seem to really love you a lot might be a cult.
The first sign of a cult is the presence of a leader that is venerated, even worshiped, beyond reason, while his words...
A new law has been passed in Washington. Nobody with assets of less than $50 million will henceforth be allowed to stand for political office.
President Obama has announced the move as a "triumph for democracy".
George Bush said it was "long overdue" and is a welcome move in the "war against terrorism". Pope Francis has sent a telegram of congratulations saying "God and the Banco Ambrosian...
To celebrate the World Cup in Brazil, we take a look back at some of the all time greats of football. Those players who have stood out from the crowd and made a real impact on the game. Here are TheSpoof's five best World Cup footballers of all time.
5. "Wee Eck" McSmith
The diminutive Scottish centre forward was considered the best footballer in the world back in 1974, in the days when Scotla...
Dick Cheney has announced in a recent press conference attended exclusively by newspapers friendly to the president that Tibet was now on the list of America's known terrorists. Said Mr. Cheney:
"We have reliable evidence that Tibetan yak farmers have been smuggling weapons of mass destruction via their flocks into neighbouring Nepal. Nepal, as you know, has been a sworn enemy of the United S...
This special Bilderberg Conference was held in Madrid at the request of Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy.
Officiating as usual was Satan. Compere was Jimmy Savile. Musical interlude was supplied by the late Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Elvis and Sammy Davis. Drinks were served by Obama Bin Laden.
Seated regally on his golden throne wearing his black silk cloak, feet on desk and fingering his mala...
Imagine walking through town. You have a beard. The beard sits on your face. You realise this and so turn to look into a shoppe window hoping to catch a glimpse of you with your beard. There it is you think, still there. Anyway after this you turn a corner (as corners are notoriously difficult to navigate if one keeps walking in the same direction) and all of a sudden you are confronted with a her...
We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens
They may cause our lives not to have happy ends
The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique
Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak
We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour
And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours
The Neanderthal Health Servic...
Day after day, alone with his phone
The man with the foolish grin is tapping away at his keys
But nobody wants to know him
They can see that he's just a fool
(As he taps away his soul)
And the fool on the phone
Sees the sun going down
But the eyes in his head
Are still affixed to his screen
Well on the way, mind far away
The man types away at his keys but has nothing to say