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Funny story:  Parasites on Parade

Parasites on Parade

The latest report from our weeki leeks correspondent, the mole in royal circles. When asked about his contribution to comic relief, William (playboy) Windsor replied in jocular fashion. "I wiped my arse on last weeks Beano." Apparently he still has it delivered every week along with the Dandy and to think that someday he might have the top job. Let us hope that he doesn't have the dreaded royal...
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Funny story:  Yet another weeky leeks scoop

Yet another weeky leeks scoop

Our intrepid reporter has just phoned in his latest report, telling us that the well known geriatric crooner Wankadink Humpanoldbag actually died eight months ago. Apparently what we see is an excellent Japanese robotic clone, inch perfect. The voice is masterful and undistinguishable from the real thing, even down to the occasional gasping croak,which one would expect from such an aged person.
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Funny story:  Don't be a water waster

Don't be a water waster

Deodorant sales soar and soap sales plummet as many people cut down on washing their body to combat rising fuel costs. Bathing is now a definite no-no and occasional showering is the in thing. Exfoliation is a completely natural process that needs no assistance from either soap or water. Millions of cash strapped brits are turning to metered water supplies in an effort to cut their consumption...
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Funny story:  Liz Taylor's Ghost "On the beat"

Liz Taylor's Ghost "On the beat"

Liz Taylor's ghost has been seen several times walking the streets of downtown Manhattan dressed only in a shortie see-through cotton shift after having finally found her true vocation. The local girls were quite upset to see her strutting her stuff on their beat and were very relieved when she failed to scare off any of the randy punters. "She is somewhat past her sell by date," one scantil...
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Funny story:  A new slant on moonlighting

A new slant on moonlighting

Our intrepid Weeki Leeks undercover reporter has revealed startling evidence that the Archbishop of Canterbury is in fact a pagan priest. Disguised as a morbidly obese female cleaner he waddled into the palace flicking his feather duster about then placed a bug in the most holy of holies, the Archbishops private sitting room. We were forced to undertake such drastic measures because our patente...
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Funny story:  Galgar's top tips...or...ways to stretch the shrinking pound

Galgar's top tips...or...ways to stretch the shrinking pound

Most motorists are aware that shutting off the engine when stationary for prolonged periods, in traffic jams or similar situations helps cut fuel consumption as does driving at a constant fifty six mph on motorways or main roads. However, those are not the only ways. Why not try coasting whenever the opportunity arises and you may improve fuel consumption between three and five mpg. Give it a g...
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Funny story:  Lord Lucan still going strong

Lord Lucan still going strong

Our Weeki Leeks correspondent has just unearthed some amazing new facts about the elusive Lord Lucan. It seems that he settled in Capetown after fleeing Britain in the seventies and had a sex change operation at the Groote Schuur Hospital. He then opened a brothel catering mainly for the rich and well connected. Lucan operated under the name Lucy Lord for many lucrative years, enjoying protecti...
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Funny story:  How David Beckham Ballsed-up with Foruth Kid

How David Beckham Ballsed-up with Foruth Kid

David Beckham was crestfallen when his wife announced to the world that she was pregnant for the fourth time. One of his close confidant's leaked to Weeki Leeks ace undercover reporter that the ageing sportsman was considering trading her in for a new model, in layman's terms...a divorce. Apparently he'd worked out the settlement cost of keeping her and three kids (in his head, if you can belie...
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Funny story:  Was Mickey mouse bent?

Was Mickey mouse bent?

After more than half a century if suppression by the film studio the facts are finally out. Poor old Minnie was starved of sex and had to make do with a whittled down clothes peg whilst Mickey was out on the town every night chasing the boys. And guess what? He had a thing going with Pluto. Kinda hard to imagine considering the difference in size, but where there's a will there's always a...
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Funny story:  Another scoop from Weeki Leeks - What Vincent really thinks about the students

Another scoop from Weeki Leeks - What Vincent really thinks about the students

An above board way (without the need to bug their phones) of finding out the truth about what many political figures really think, is a trip to their local posing as a nice considerate boy or girl. Our ace reporter took a trip to Vincent's local last night and came away with a completely different idea of the ministers views on students: "Long haired layabouts on a par with workshy council esta...
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Funny story:  Here we go again

Here we go again

Now that we are all feeling the effects of the horrendous annual Christmas price hike perpetrated by the major supermarkets that I warned you all about a few weeks ago, we are now faced with another Christmas phenomena we can't do a bloody thing about. It's known in the trade as trotting out the the trash and the perpetrators are the TV companies. Remember all of those ancient bulky videos...
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Funny story:  This is no spoof: Scientists discover secret of eternal youth!

This is no spoof: Scientists discover secret of eternal youth!

The moment that pharmaceutical companies world wide have long dreaded has finally arrived. The new kid on the block is urine. Yez folks just piss on your partner and within a few short weeks he she or both of you will will have natural looking radiant skin free of blemishes, even age spots can be diminished by liberal applications three times daily and it's completely free. If used fresh it ha...
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Funny story:  Revolutionary new medical procedure

Revolutionary new medical procedure

Medical experts in the US have developed a completely new surgical procedure to combat what had become known as the Slack Alice Syndrome, particularly prevalent among young celebrity female's, though most of the older ones would certainly also benefit from the procedure. It has been likened to the rebore and sleeve sytem used to revamp old engines in bygone days. Inventor and surgeon extraordin...
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Funny story:  A tale of intruige from the animal world

A tale of intruige from the animal world

Milli the nine banded mongoose was most unhappy when he lost his position of power in the gallant band after a resounding defeat by a stronger rival faction. He'd spent many years sucking up to the great leader and his predecessor before finding out that the great leader had many flaws in his character and was totally unfit to lead the gallant band. After being driven out of the prime territor...
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Funny story:  The pending winter of discontent

The pending winter of discontent

A new theory doing the rounds is that senior trades union officials are all born with incurable brain damage. Why else would they wish to be top trades union officials? A very good question. Actually they all have delusions of grandeur, but lack the basic intelligence to make any headway in the world of commerce, hence their lowly stations in life. I cite the sad case of fat John who was forced to...
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Funny story:  It can't be true

It can't be true

I find it rather hard to believe that the former thirteen pints a day macho man Willie Hague prefers dipping his wick in the stink rather that the pink. Just because he occasionally shares a room with another male of the opposite persuasion doesn't mean that he's bent. I'm also amazed that the fat fraulein Angela seems to be getting her sweaty knickers in a twist over a proposed RAF war memoria...
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Funny story:  Household cooking crisis...help is at hand

Household cooking crisis...help is at hand

A new government incentive to teach younger female wives how to cook food was launched this week. The vast majority of them are so used to ready meals straight from the freezer to the microwave and the opening of crisp bags and ring pull cans to feed their families, they have absolutely no idea of the basics. Some of the silly twats don't even know that milk comes from cows. The cost of process...
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Funny story:  Hamster at odds with little frog

Hamster at odds with little frog

Richard Hammond AKA the hamster was arrested yesterday by French police after he stole a pair of the French Presidents platform shoes while attending a party at the Presidents residence. Apparently he was intimidated by Carla's height and couldn't manage to peer down her dress to see her tits while wearing his normal shoes. He said that he only borrowed them with the intent to return them aft...
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Funny story:  It gets closer by the day

It gets closer by the day

Christmas will soon be here, that wonderful time when the moronic elements can be seen in their millions rushing out to spend someone else's money in a most irresponsible manner and later to pay dearly for the dubious privilege. It's also a truly wonderful time for those fat greasy moneylenders puffing on huge cigars and sweating their overworked knackers off after shagging some money-grabbing lit...
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Funny story:  Not before time - no vote if you commit crime!

Not before time - no vote if you commit crime!

The governments latest proposal to remove the vote from all time serving criminals is welcomed by most intelligent Britons. However many believe now is the time to take the idea a little further and remove the franchise from all convicted criminals on a permanent basis. Let's face the fact that criminals choose to live outside the rules of decent society and prey upon the law abiding and as su...
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Funny story:  Gossip from across the channel

Gossip from across the channel

Due to the extensive election fever that has gripped the nation and the sad loss of ugly Benda, many seem to have forgotten about that other bunch of thieving comedians across the English Channel (soon to be officially renamed the European Ditch because the Frogs and Krauts find the term English deeply offensive) who are hell bent on sabotaging the British economy by sending all of their deadbeats...
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Funny story:  Celebrity snippets

Celebrity snippets

Xrays revealed that the ubiquitous Tony Robinson has two parasites living in his double chins. They sit there patiently waiting for him to eat then grab some of the grub before it diappears down his rapacious gullet. Unfortunately they also crap up there, which accounts for his bad breath and that perpetual scowl. He probably caught them after spending many long hours in those damp smelly tren...
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Breaking News...

Study finds that mosquitos routinely talk to humans

Why do you hear the extremely irritating buzzing sound when a mosquito gets too close? Well, their wings flap up to 600 times per second, but they are also asking you whether they can feed on you.

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