An Ode to a Certain Malevolent Maladie on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us
Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious Majesty, Humbert II, as He Succumbs to Ye Ol...
An Ode to a Certain Malevolent Fevere on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us
Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent, Gracious, and Hornie Majesty as He Recovers from His F...
An Ode to Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever on the Occasion of a Major Emerging Vector-borne Disease that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us
Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent and Gracious Majesty, Bruce III, as...
An Ode to Eastern Equine Encephalitis on the Occasion of a Major Epidemic that has Acquired a Pathogenicity that Imperils Mankind Across the Globe and May Destroy Civilization as It Is Known to Us
Presented in Its Entirety by the Poet Laureate on the Mundane, the Preposterous, and the Absurd: Sir Percival Blink, Esq. to His Most Excellent and Gracious Majesty as He Lies Dying from an Incurabl...
ERs across the United States are spending up to $10,000 a month to advertise excellence and wait times and other nonsense. Here are some ideas for attention-grabbing soundbites that might generate more patient visits:
1) We have just the right Oxy-Contin script with your name on it.
2) Our nurses shave their legs
3) Think she's cute? She's yours!
4) Think he's cute? He's yours!...
Italy becomes the latest European country to announce tough austerity measures in an effort to reduce its deficit.
Here are some of the measures to be instituted presto:
1) All fettuccini will be half as long as before to save on labor costs
2) Old underwear instead of costly corks to stopper Chianti fiaschi
3) Increased use of garlic breath as an alternative energy source
4) La...
According to a recent BBC report, A British couple jailed in Dubai for kissing in public have lost their appeal and have been sentenced to a month in jail, deportation and a fine.
They should have read the laws of Dubai before they entered the country:
* Kiss in public: 1 month in jail.
* Open mouth kiss in public: 2 months in jail.
* Open mouth kiss in public with tongue down to...
British Airways is trying to counter an upcoming cabin-crew strike by enlisting their Premier-Elite passengers to accept certain "sacrifices" in order to save on expenses.
Here is what BA is asking their extra-special, pampered passengers to do:
* Learn what each dining utensil is used for and then bring it.
* Pack their own chlorine if they want to use the hot tub.
* Bring their ow...
CNN, 2/16/10: "Some jihadist Web sites monitored by CNN are warning al Qaeda leaders that a recently captured field commander had more than three hundred names and numbers plus important documents on him at the time of his arrest."
Osama bin Laden when apprised of the capture got a migraine. Here is what was discovered:
* Michael Moore's cell
* Love letter from Nancy Pelosi
* Susi...
The unusually cold weather that struck Florida in January has killed at least 5 percent of West Indies manatees this year. That amounts to 280 in all.
What is the significance of this news?
* No more Manatee-ka-bobs
* McDonald's can no longer sell "Big Manatee with Fries and a Coke."
* Postponement of the Key West's annual Manatee Look-a-Like contest.
* Manatee linguini is n...
We're losing our rights and privileges
Our lives swoon in a whirl
The guilty sneer unpunished
While the victims meekly twirl
It wasn't like this so long ago
When right and wrong were clear
As we held to a code of honor
Like life itself, t'was dear
Cagney, Bogart and Robinson:
Understood what this code was about
And if anyone tried to screw with them
They'd simply rub'em out.
We...
"A security alert aboard a Northwest Airlines jet ended Sunday after investigators determined the incident -- the second in two days involving a Detroit, Michigan-bound flight -- was "nonserious," federal authorities said.
The crew of Northwest Flight 253 reported a "verbally disruptive" passenger Sunday and requested police meet the plane when it arrived from the Netherlands, the airline told...
"Santa Claus: a public health pariah?" is the title of a piece that is appearing in the Christman edition of the British Medical Journal (BMJ 2009;339:b5261).
What it's essentially saying is that good old Saint Nick should lose all that weight so as to be a healthy role model for our global youth. How much more can Santa do to be politically correct nowadays? He's already done so much in or...
Why Italian Mammas Make Their Sons Eat Their Veggies and Their Women Are Glad Of It
There once was an ugly Italian
Who would hourly consume a scallion.
One would think that his breath
Would drive his wife to death...
But, in bed, it made him a stallion.
The End...
30
By PP Rega
My last day.
Thirty years.
Emergency Medicine.
Thirty years...
Of MIs and morphine
of rotating tourniquets, MAST trousers, and nasal intubations,
of arterial blood flowing triumphantly in a heparinized glass syringe
of ectopics, ruptured and robbing
of epiglottitis and meningitis
of the alabaster stillness of an infant dragged from a pool
her blondne...
In 67 BC, Gladius Maximus had a love affair from afar with one of the Vestal Virgins. Her name was Titsilitzia Splendissima and she was the most beautiful Vestal Virgin in all of Rome.
Unfortunately, the ancient laws demanded that the Vestal Virgins remained as such and were prohibited from "knowing" man, if you get my drift. This was a regulation that was taken very seriously because if on...
No sooner did Bill Clinton gain the release of those two women in North Korea, Sen. Jim Webb accomplishes the same thing in Myanmar. So, what did the Senator say to gain the Myanmar junta's trust?
1) Wanna see my Francisco Franco tat?
2) I didn't really vote for Obama. I just said I did.
3) Anybody says, "Burma," and I'll spit in his eye!
4) Tonto? He's w...
Top 10 things plastic surgeons say at cocktail parties:
10) Is that a Jackson Pollack? Oh...sorry, Madam.
9) Why hello, my dear. When I last saw you you were Renaissance. When did you go Baroque?
8) Well, at least they're bigger than two caviar eggs.
7) How about we put a grenade in your mouth and start over?
6) Give me a sharp blade and a couple of those guests over...
Announcement: FDA's Vaccines and Related Biological Products Advisory Committee Will Be Organizing a Interntional Roundtable Discussion about the H1N1 Vaccine.
Date: July 23, 2009
Time: 8:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
Location: Hilton Washington DC North/Gaithersburg, Montgomery Ballroom, 620 Perry Parkway, Gaithersburg, Maryland 20877
Agenda
On July 23, 2009, the Committee will discuss...
Bernie Madoff: What's that?
Guard: That's your new home, 983867.
Bernie: It's only one room!
Guard: But it's very efficient. You can eat, read, sleep, take a crap without exerting yourself.
Bernie: You mean that's my bed?
Guard: Yep.
Bernie: Sheets?
Guard: Yep.
Bernie: How many threads per square inch?
Guard: Two.
Bernie: But I have tender skin!
Guard:...
Now that the Italian car company will be taking over Chrysler, what will it all mean?
Here are some possibilities:
1) The stickshift will be in the shape of a cannoli.
2) Instead of "Honk," the horn will go "Bada-a-bing."
3) Fuel will now be 80% gasoline and 20% Chianti.
4) The hood ornament will be a Sophia Loren profile.
5) The transmission will be lubricated with extra v...
Once upon a time, there existed this beautiful, rainbow-festooned land called EM. On the highways and byways of the magical, mystical land called EM, there traversed a sleek, silver coach powered by six Arabian stallions. It was the The King's Coach...The Royal Coach. It was a wonder to behold especially in the moonlight as the lunar rays danced on the backs of the great steeds and made the co...