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Funny story:  Today's recipes

Today's recipes

PAINS PERDUS (Lost bread) Make a shallow dish with little essence of butter it easier, add pepper, thyme and eggs, both sides. Pour the saucepan (bain marie). Boil together a little white sauce, and let it for the following day boil for a lemon and then draw it simmer gently at a leaf or three bay-leaves, one and cut through a tomato sauce from top or with the pigeons on to every now and when the...
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Funny story:  Book Review - Noah's Ark by God

Book Review - Noah's Ark by God

This book bears no resemblance to the movie starring Australian actor Russell Crowe! That said, I would be interested if Crowe, in his role as Noah, wanted to make room on his Ark for kangaroos, wallabies and Koala bears; as I saw none board the ark in the movie. As an Australian he should really have insisted. Also, and this is just an observation, did he get a massive discount at Petsm...
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Funny story:  Pinstickers' Guide To Aintree Grand National

Pinstickers' Guide To Aintree Grand National

1. TIDAL BAY (IRE) 13 11-10 Form: 121-1532 Paul Nichols/Sam Twiston-Davies THIS 13 year-old's 16/1 odds are staggeringly generous, considering. Publishing his telephone number alongside racing details maybe a mistake. 2. LONG RUN (FR) 9 11-09 Form: 132-54U1 Nicky Henderson/Sam Waley-Cohen Frankly over-rated at 16/1, his long run could well end tit over arse at Beechers. 3. HUNT BA...
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Funny story:  Auntie Jean Advises Dick Hertz Whose Friend's Foreskin is Zipped Into a Marquee Tent Zipper

Auntie Jean Advises Dick Hertz Whose Friend's Foreskin is Zipped Into a Marquee Tent Zipper

Dick Hertz asks: Auntie Jean, my friend is a flasher I'm afraid and we are at a wedding reception across the road from an Abbey. My friend was trying to flash some Benedictine Nuns, who ran after him with a meat cleaver. He zipped the heavy duty zipper up and managed to zip his foreskin right into the zipper. can you advise please? Auntie Jean Advises : Its probably you I think with the trappe...
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Funny story:  Devil's Advocates

Devil's Advocates

'A drowning man will clutch at a straw'. At this junction, we desperately need to know what is going on around us. Yes, we fail to understand what is going on in Turkey, what happened to MH370, why US, Russian officials behave so haphazardly etc. In Crimea, 245,000 are Tatars, or 10.2% of the total population. Around the 5th century AD, the forefathers of the present Tatars were nomadic tribes...
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Funny story:  THE Booch of THE Lawed Goode

THE Booch of THE Lawed Goode

Lore! Speighk Mouses as he stanp aboven over hall peipule on his (it's) hell, clapping two timey baldy's with reel forfar and mites! Did thast not tillt that if thoi bayleaf yow wold seat yore wince troube saerfjour, adverturley? Goj walk special in evy dei und evvy weight. Him lies on sandy as a crator wretching him menanwomban frillock innernaround him gurrdjin. But thei shuld bay spayed on,...
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Funny story:  Scottish Safari - We Hunt Lichen

Scottish Safari - We Hunt Lichen

Saturday: Set off from Euston Station bound for Anglesey. Arrived at 14.05 hrs to be greeted by Lichenologist Hans Nisan Bumpsadaisy. Hans relieves us of his £500 fee and goes to buy a crate of whisky. Alcoholic, Hans wasn't seen again until we found him drunk in the forest the following morning. Sunday: Hunted for Hans in the forest and found him singing and exposing himself to a group of Bene...
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Funny story:  TWERK: Top Ten Things To Consider Before You Twerk!

TWERK: Top Ten Things To Consider Before You Twerk!

10 Riding on a horse has similar moves but the horse may not know what you're doing up there. 9. If you have a big butt, be careful you don't clear the floor! 8 Do not attempt if you have artificial hip or knee. 7. Check for "Wet Floor" signs. 6. Look around and be sure Kim Kardashian is not dancing there. 5. If you're a guy and it makes you feel gay, just do something else.
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Funny story:  Beauty. Is it really only skin deep?

Beauty. Is it really only skin deep?

Hoff here. The phrase goes "Beauty is only skin deep". Of course this came from of some whiny piss-ant guy who was bar-snubbed on a Saturday night by a drunk, hot-looking broad. It's always that way. It's always the guy who gets the cold shoulder. "Cold shoulder". That's a phrase your Grandpop used. It meant that someone wasn't going to get laid that night. It is a whiny phrase... the Beau...
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Funny story:  Newlywed Husband Wants Sex All The Time

Newlywed Husband Wants Sex All The Time

Dear Mom, Well we have been married two months today and I have been wanting to discuss something with you but couldn't do it in person or on the telephone since the government bugs everything, including e-mails. It's a little embarrassing but I was wondering if when you and dad got married did he want to have sex all the time? I can understand most nights but not all the time. I love Bi...
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Funny story:  New York Times interview with  Modi

New York Times interview with Modi

New York: India's Right-wing party, Bharatiya Janata Party's prime ministerial candidate Mr. Narendra Modi talks to our Delhi correspondent M.A.Hussain. Although his detractors say that his interactions with media are fixed, and he knows in advance what shall go into print, but we have found Mr. Modi's interview remarkably candid and forthright. It will surprise his critics as well as his admirer...
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Funny story:  Online Romance Can Lead to False Sense of Adequacy

Online Romance Can Lead to False Sense of Adequacy

Inadequate. A failure. Not good enough. These are all feelings some people have about themselves, and words used to describe that person by others. Absorbed deeply enough and they can cause one to fold in upon themselves leading to apathy, lethargy, isolation, depression, thoughts of moving somewhere far away, thoughts of suicide, and in the worst cases, actual suicide. Alternatively, the inadequa...
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Funny story:  Russia's Preparations For War Leaked

Russia's Preparations For War Leaked

The CIA has announced that it has obtained a list, containing detailed plans regarding Russia's preparations to invade Ukraine, and then initiate a war with the United States. The list includes: 1. Infiltrating online Russian bride dating sites with burly KGB officers dressed in bikinis and wearing wigs. 2. Propaganda team Photoshopping an image of Vladimir Putin knocking out Barack Obama...
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Funny story:  Changing of the Guards

Changing of the Guards

Every day, people, just like buffalo herds in Africa, intently watch a despicable sight: a woman being attacked by a number of masked assailants, here; there, a weak buffalo or calf by a single lion. The masked men vigorously pull away the shoulder-strap purse of a woman, leaving home for shopping or other businesses, with impunity, in public thoroughfares. The more heinous spectacle is the ever-i...
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Funny story:  Book Review - Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James

Book Review - Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James

This is a book I simply could not put down, due entirely to the fact that I was involved in a rather unfortunate sexual bondage role play game involving 234 rolls of sticky tape. And a goat. However, once I managed to remove the goat from my apartment I did read the book. There are many words I could use to describe this book, fantastic, great, superb, remarkable, outstanding, stupendous...
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Funny story:  Book Review - Peter Pan by Some Bloke Called Barry

Book Review - Peter Pan by Some Bloke Called Barry

This book "Hooked" me from page one, one of the only bright memories of a sad childhood plagued by bouts of bed wetting, temper tantrums and soiled underwear......I really wish Grandma hadn't moved in with us.... I digress. Peter pan is a kid that never grow up, a bit like Arnold from Different Strokes. However, instead of being adopted by a rich white guy, Peter Pan embarks on a horrendo...
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Funny story:  Book Review - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Book Review - The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

One of my favorite books. Once I realized it was not a non-fiction book about a census study on a small French Island or a Sesame Street character with a fetish for numbers and in fact a tale of revenge, hidden identities and twists I was pleasantly surprised. If in fact anyone did compile a census of Monte Cristo, and did indeed count the residents of the small island, I am led to believe t...
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Funny story:  Sober up, Vlad!

Sober up, Vlad!

Morely Unsafer: Welcome back to 42-and-a-half minutes. Vladimir Putin's annexation of Crimea has drawn international outrage. Rudy Giuliani calls him a "true leader"-what is he smoking?-but pretty much everyone else is pissed. Our next guest is Russia expert and addiction counselor Vasily Strokinoff. Usafer: Mr. Strokinoff, what is Vladimir Putin's problem? Strokinoff: Putin is an addict-he...
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Funny story:  Satire Web Study A Mixed Bag

Satire Web Study A Mixed Bag

ANYWHERE-- Just yesterday, web technicians and various analysts at a reputable Think Tank published a study pertaining to the number of 'satire' websites around the internet. It's up for debate on whether the study devoted enough attention to the subject of the 'quality' of the satire found across the web. The study is not available in print, but readers of this magazine can find it at www.
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Funny story:  Beware the Bluetooth

Beware the Bluetooth

The following is a cautionary tale for the ever more digital, unaware and irresponsibly horny among us. It was December 25, for the heathens amongst you, this is the day us true believers celebrate the birth of our lord and savior by displaying a murdered sapling in our homes and drinking in proximity to people who share similar DNA. This particular Christmas was particularly idyllic. My ex...
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Funny story:  The Lizzy Awards

The Lizzy Awards

Why nobody in Stratford knew that Shakespeare wrote plays in London.....because this never happened Scene: Albert Hall, 1600 Announcer: And now for the award we have all be waiting for...the best play of 1599....The nominess are: Ben Jonson for "Everyman in his Humor"; Thomas Dekker for "Shoeman's Holiday"; John Webster for "The White Devil"; Thomas Middleton for "The Changeling"; and Wi...
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Funny story:  President on Putin:

President on Putin:

Following is a transcript of U.S. President Barack Obama's press conference today on the Russian occupation of Crimea and other topics. Q: Mr. President, will the United States impose additional sanctions on Russia even if Europe doesn't follow suit? President: My press secretary Jay Carney told me to say, 'I don't answer hypotheticals.' Q: What do you say to critics who say your post-Ira...
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