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Funny story:  Chris Christie:  "I DID NOT have sex with that toll booth!!"

Chris Christie: "I DID NOT have sex with that toll booth!!"

It was an angry and red faced Gov. Chris Christie that took the podium at an early morning press conference today. Christie: "First and foremost I DID NOT have sex with that toll booth! These are lies no doubt started by Democrat scumbags or teachers union scumbags, or any other scumbag rumor mongers who are just trying to scuttle my presidential ambitions." Reporter: "But Governor, there wa...
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Funny story:  Handicap Parking

Handicap Parking

Reluctantly, I gave in and we now have a Handicap Parking placard. "Getting old ain't for sissies," as my Mom use to say. With very poor vision and having to creep along on a cane now, I realized it was time for this additional chink in my armor. We went to he grocery store and Wal-Mart this past weekend and used the placard for the first time. We parked almost at the front door of Wall-Mart! "...
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Funny story:  More things people say and do to old people.

More things people say and do to old people.

Wal-Mart checkout The check out lady at Wal-Mart's said, "Is this yours," as she picked up my upper bridge from the conveyor belt. Thank God! I thoughts it had dropped into the urinal in the men's room. "Thanks," I said and put it back in my mouth! Full disclosure: Actually, this hasn't happened yet, but I wouldn't, if I were you, stand near me if you see me start to sneeze. You know you...
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Funny story:  Things people say and do to old people

Things people say and do to old people

"My! Aren't we looking spiffy today!" "Are you freaking blind!?" "You're not getting older, you're just getting better!" "Really?" "You're only as old as you feel!" "OK. I feel like 120, I think like 40. You wanna average that out, it's still 80!" "Hi young man!" "Puleeeese!" "Well….How are WE feeling today?" "OK. I'll go first. It's the bowel move...
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Funny story:  The doctor is in…take a number!

The doctor is in…take a number!

It is 2:45 pm and you take a number, look at the "health news" on the TV screen, look for something to read and settle on a 2003 Newsweek. You look at your fellow sick people and wish you weren't here. They look at you and you see them thinking, "Why does he bother!" One by one they go in. I am called back to the receptionist desk to show my Medicare and Humana card, I try to make a few pleasantr...
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Funny story:  How you feeling?

How you feeling?

"How ya feeling?" Don't ever ask a person over the age of sixty-five this question! There was a cartoon in the New Yorker magazine circa 1950's. It showed this very bedraggled couple of undetermined age in a dirty pot filled kitchen with the plaster falling off the walls. He was un-shaven, clothes disheveled, and his mouth slack. She was in a house dress with unkempt hair and yellowed teeth.
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Funny story:  Border Patrol agents to be stationed every six inches along entire southern border, have to stand sideways, arms around each other!

Border Patrol agents to be stationed every six inches along entire southern border, have to stand sideways, arms around each other!

In a compromise this past week between GOP and Democrat Senators the border patrol budget has been increased by approximately one billion percent. According to the office of Budget and Management this will translate into a tax burden of over one million dollars for every man, woman and child in America. "Finally, we have a bi-partisan agreement on something," said Majority Leader Harry Reid. "...
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Funny story:  Bill O'Reilly: "I'm on God's speed dial!"

Bill O'Reilly: "I'm on God's speed dial!"

In an interview on Fox News to be aired later this week Bill O'Reilly states, for a fact, that he is on God's speed dial. An advance copy of the interview has been leaked to the general media. "Yes, I am on God's speed dial," states O'Reilly in the opening segment, "and have been for some time. We are kind of on a first name basis, so to speak." The interviewer seeming incredulous asks O'Reill...
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Funny story:  "I am NOT a weasel! My mother was a liar!"

"I am NOT a weasel! My mother was a liar!"

Governor Mitt Romney called an impromptu press conference this morning to reply to a leaked memo that states his mother once referred to him as a weasel. "My mother was a liar," said Romney with a red face and an angry tone in his voice, "She said I acted like a weasel, that's not the same!" Reporter: "Governor, why did she say that?" Romney: "It was nothing!" Reporter: "Why?" Romne...
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Funny story:  Road-a-Kill fast food opens in eleven southern states!

Road-a-Kill fast food opens in eleven southern states!

The Reverend T.J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC, announced today the opening of his fast food chain, Road-a-Kill. "We've had thousands of folks waiting in line all day long at all of our locations," said McCorkle. "We been eat'in road kill all our lives, now you can go right to the corner, mingle with your cousins, and eat road kill fixed the right way!" "How's that?" called out a reporter from the...
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Funny story:  Cop Tasers naked eighty-year-old woman in Stop and Frisk!

Cop Tasers naked eighty-year-old woman in Stop and Frisk!

In a story that Tampa, Florida police are attempting to keep quiet, an eighty year old naked lady was Tasered by a local constable late yesterday. According to media reports, the deputy stopped the woman in a "stop & frisk" operation. No one could explain, why? The media respecting the woman's privacy is withholding her name. Reporters were allowed to question the arresting officer after he...
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Funny story:  Romney family endorses Mitt!  Well...kind of!

Romney family endorses Mitt! Well...kind of!

When David Gregory, host of NBC's Meet the Press, scheduled the Romney family for an interview to be shown next Sunday, no one expected any breaking news. It seems nothing can ever be taken for granted in the 24/7 news cycle. An advanced copy of the interview has surfaced. It shows that Gregory appeared somewhat bored as he began the interview with Romney's wife and five sons. He began with the ol...
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Funny story:  Rental clown joins GOP race for President!

Rental clown joins GOP race for President!

A rental clown from North Carolina announced late yesterday that he is entering the remaining GOP presidential primaries and expects to capture the nomination at the national convention in Tampa, Florida. The announcement, although attended by only one journalist from the local media, immediately gained traction on the internet and the social media. The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, No...
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Funny story:  Adam & Eve: "How, for God's sake, were we supposed to fucking know!"

Adam & Eve: "How, for God's sake, were we supposed to fucking know!"

In a satellite news conference from an unknown location, Adam & Eve held a press conference late this afternoon. The broadcast was deemed authentic by NASA. The world was startled as the broadcast was in all of the known languages. The picture was bright and clear as Adam spoke first. Adam: "How, for God's sake, were we supposed to fucking know!" It's time, however, for you to know and p...
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Funny story:  Michelle booed by crowd at NASCAR who fart, belch, and scratch for an encore!

Michelle booed by crowd at NASCAR who fart, belch, and scratch for an encore!

Sports Today Magazine published an editorial this morning that reads in part: Michelle booed by crowd at NASCAR who fart, belch, and scratch for an encore! "First of all, the editorial board of this magazine apologizes for what seems like very crude journalism. We did this on purpose. How else do you call out crude and indecent behavior? First of all, is NASCAR really a sport? There are ma...
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Funny story:  Rick Perry: "Israel, Is that where the Jews are?"

Rick Perry: "Israel, Is that where the Jews are?"

At last nights debate, the question of aid to Israel came sup. Rick Perry was the first to speak. Perry: "Israel, is that where the Jews are from?" The moderator confirmed this was true. Perry: "First of all, I don't think we should send aid to anybody!" The Tea Party crowd cheered. Perry: "Also, I don't think we should send aid to anybody who doesn't say who they are!" The crowd c...
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Funny story:  Gaddafi Garb coming to America!

Gaddafi Garb coming to America!

Speaking from an unknown location somewhere in Boca Raton Florida, Muammar Gaddafi announced today he is bringing his new line of clothing to America. Speaking to reporters via telephone he said; "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Therefore, I am bringing my line of exclusive clothing to America. I have had thousands requests to make these cute out...
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Funny story:  Palin: "I thought  The Rolling  Thunder was a digestive problem!"

Palin: "I thought The Rolling Thunder was a digestive problem!"

As Sarah Palin prepared to board her bus for the Rolling Thunder rally in Washington DC his morning, she was asked by a reporter if this was the start of her presidential campaign and was she worried about the possible entry of Michele Bachmann in the race. Palin replied: "There's nothing wrong with Michele B, maybe she's a little on the floozy side but, you know, some people go for that!" T...
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Funny story:  Victoria's Secret Closes Gingrich Account!

Victoria's Secret Closes Gingrich Account!

Victoria's Secret issued a brief statement this morning saying that the account of Newt Gingrich has been closed. "We do not ordinarily comment on this type of decision," said a spokesman, "but in this case and because of the prominence of the individual involved, we will elaborate to a small degree. Mr. Gingrich's account is overdue in the amount of $125,000 and although this is not excessiv...
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Funny story:  Palin: "If I win Iowa, do I get to be President?"

Palin: "If I win Iowa, do I get to be President?"

Sources within the Palin campaign have leaked details of a recent meeting and Sarah Palin is not pleased. Reuters is reporting that a member of her staff, who apparently is not in favor of her presidential run is talking and telling all. A source speaking on condition of anonymity tells Reuters that Todd Palin is the prime suspect. Governor Palin has instructed her entire staff to take...
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Funny story:  Gaddafi Calls Obama:  "Hey Bro, Want to Catch a Nationals Game?"

Gaddafi Calls Obama: "Hey Bro, Want to Catch a Nationals Game?"

The news services are reporting today that Muammar Gaddafi called President Obama yesterday in the wake of the killing of Osama Bin Laden. The White House staff was skeptical at first but when it was confirmed, they put the call through to the President. He switched on his speaker phone speaker phone so his staff could listen. First reports state that the conversation was as follows: Obama:...
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Funny story:  Donald Trump: "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia!"

Donald Trump: "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia!"

In an interview with Katie Couric, on Wednesday, Donald Trump once again stunned the audience with the statement that, "Jesus was born in Weirton, West Virginia and not in Bethlehem!" The interview was immediately picked up by all major news media, cable television, and the photosphere. Here is the interview in part: Couric: "But Mr. Trump, this just isn't true!" Trump replied: "Excuse m...
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John Walsh's PTSD doctor in plagiarism scandal

Army doctor filed the same medical review hundreds of times for soldiers looking to get tax free disability pay!

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