I met David and George as they left Church, after worshipping at the altar of Tony Blair. They were filled with a new meaning to life: Compassionate Conservatism.
'We have met a true Saint today' remarked David as he wiped tears from his eyes 'we now know what we must do. Over to you George.'
George Osborne took over from his leader: 'We urge everyone to have compassion for the Bankers and those who pay the highest taxes. Not only have they toiled for the public good, now they are being hit by an unfair feeling of anger from the population. We need to understand ther plight and respond to it with love. Yes, love, we must not be afraid of the word.'
David took up the reins and welcomed Theresa May, Home Secretary. 'In her bid to move Compassion back to centre of our agenda, Theresa - who is a woman - will show us where the heart of every woman is.'
Theresa who may become a saint before the next election, put her view of compassion plainly. 'We have had enough of Human Rights' she said 'now we will be concentrating on human wrongs to try and beat the world record for the number of people in prison. As in everything Britain takes the lead!'
Even Ken Clark was persuaded to join in the moment of worship as he sang a sad blues number 'Nobody knows the trouble I've seen'.