Written by Jean Le Fete
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Sunday, 25 September 2011

image for The Search for the One Star Bastard! - Movie Script Scene 1 The One Star Bastard

(With apologies to the movie Taxi)

The Search for the One Star Bastard!

Fade In: A BEDROOM MIRROR REFLECTING MAIN CHARACTER

SKOOB


(Practice Ranting)
"You lookin' at my story?
Are you looking at my story?
I don't see anybody else here...
Are you lookin' at my story?
I can't believe you just one-starred my story...
You sick fuck...it hadda be you, cause I don't see nobody else here....You one starred my story?"

CUT TO: EXT. MARK LOWTON'S OFFICE ON A RED LIGHT STREET CORNER. (Traffic noise and call girls linger around them.)

SKOOB


It must have been you, I saw you click the mouse over only one star!

MARK


So?

SKOOB


What do you mean so?!! You're the one star bandit! Admit it! Its been you all of these years!!! Always hiding behind being Editor! Oh it can't be me Skoob, the technology doesn't allow it!" Well Bullllllll- Shiiiit!

MARK:


Skoob I have had to suspend you once and I will do it again if you continue this tirade. Now calm down and think through this logically. Could a man in pigtails possibly be the one star bandit?

SKOOB


Huh?

MARK


Skoob, lamb chop, not in a gay way of course, but don't you think it a bit obvious you enjoy being one starred? You get attention from everyone because of it, even I give you attention and then there's Fergus, he sends you flowers he feels so bad. Now go get yourself a glass of milk and some preludes and have a nice long nap....

SKOOB


(Frowns, almost pouting)
I don't want to take a nap, I don't want no stinking milk, I need a brew.

MARK


Well, seems I've had a good day so far, here's a fiver, its on me...and Skoob...

SKOOB


(Takes the note from Mark)
Yeah what?....

MARK


Drop this One Star Bandit nonsense, its all in your head...oh and one more thing, don't practice these little speeches in front of the mirror, it really makes them less...well less natural. I like the old more spontaneous Skoob rants...

SKOOB


(Skoob turns to walk away)
Yeah well, okay....Hey wait a minute! How do you know I've been practicing inf front of my mirror?!
(Skoob turns back, but Mark has vanished...)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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