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Wednesday, 21 September 2011

image for The Dorking Review Author speaks out SKOOB1999, Erskin Quint, and lynton Cox, in a toilet in Soho

Gary Hoadley, today lifted the lid on the tantrums, fights, wild drinking sessions and drug fuelled parties that plagued the creation of this world renowned book. PARA Speaking exclusively to The Spoof, The Sun, Daily Mail, The Mirror, but not the Guardian, Hoadley opens his heart, and reveals why he almost never made the final press.

How did this book come about?

Gary: I was in the public toilets in Soho.

What happened?

Gary: There was no toilet paper.

Oh. So?

Gary: I went and had a drink in Charing Cross station.

That's where you met the other authors.

Gary: No, I missed the train to Sussex.

Then what?

Gary: Got home late, and the misses done her nugget at me.

Why?

Gary: I was pissed and fell over the dog.

Why was she so angry?

Gary: We don't have a dog.

So, how did you guys get together?

Gary: In a toilet in Soho.

Why there?

Gary: Like I said before, no bog paper.

Who decided to write the book?

Gary: SKOOB1999.

Was that because he has written before?

Gary: No, he's the only one with a typewriter.

Why did you appoint Gary Moore as editor?

Gary: He's the only one that can spell.

Who provided the drugs?

Gary: Erskin Quint.

I suppose there was cocaine, wizz, dope.

Gary: Anaddin, Lucozade and Benolyn.

The drinking sessions were wild though!?

Gary: Well, Lynton Cox drank two halves of bitter in one hour.

Fighting among the authors was a problem.

Gary: Yes, Pixnit would not lend us his pen.

How did you nearly miss out on the print?

Gary: The publisher ran out of ink.

Is there anything else you can reveal about the team?

Gary: Never offer to buy them a round of drinks.

And so, despite the pits and troughs of fame, stardom, and celebrity status, the authors and their book remain as down to earth and approachable as any normal patient in Broadmore Hospital.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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