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Monday, 19 September 2011

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NFL Week 2 Highlights

Packers 30, Panthers 23: Cam Newton passes for 432 yards against the Pack, which experts feel may distract most of the country from his three interceptions.


New England 35, San Diego 21:
Vice Wilfork earns his first career interception, demonstrating in 15 seconds more athleticism and awareness than Tony Romo has in his entire life.


Buffalo 38, Oakland 35:
Buffalo scores five touchdowns in the second half, overcoming an 18-point deficit to win, a sign that Vatican commentators say is God's unambiguous declaration that He hates the Raiders.


Pittsburgh 24, Seattle 0:
In a familiar move, Ben Roethlisberger gets his rocks off by beating and humiliating something weaker than himself.

Cowboys 27, 49ers 24: Kicker Dan Bailey hopes to get laid after giving the Cowboys an overtime victory, which analysts attribute to rookie naivety.


New York Jets 32, Jacksonville 3
: While the record books will list this as a Jets victory, all agree the real winner in this game was David Garrard.

Falcons 35, Eagles 31: The Eagles' offensive line's plan to keep Michael Vick out of harm's way by letting him get sidelined with an injury appears to have worked.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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