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Monday, 19 September 2011

image for 'Torchwood' series to be revamped That 'smug smile!'

The popular science fiction series 'Torchwood' is to have Members of Parliament starring in some lead role in the next series.

The series editor explained: "With the politicians who were caught, and those who were not, fiddling expenses, only allowing themselves a 30% increase in expense allowances in an effort to rid themselves of the habit, we thought it a good idea to offer the little mites some extracurricular earning power, and it will be of good to the nation I'm sure, as they they might invest the money they get in their offshore investment accounts, or add it to their Barclay's back-handers received accounts, as created by 'Barclay advisor' Ffion Hague (rich wife of Willie 'at the ready for all sex's' Hague)."

I'm sure you all remember the billions of tax payers cash used to rescue that bank)

We had originally thought of offering the MP's roles in James Cameron (Another Cameron, we cannot vouch for his ability to lie and cheat to the standard of the UK's Prime Minister David Cameron) and his Lightstorm Entertainment developing a television series based on (or spinning off from) the film True Lies, and the show will air on ABC.

For the main characters, the following crooks... er MP's I meant, were being considered:

Torchwood Character:
Captain Jack Harkness
MP:
James Cameron - Prime Minister, First Lord of the Treasury and Minister for the Civil Service.
Suitable qualities:
Cannot be killed off, and has a similar smug smile as the current actor John Barrowman.

Torchwood Character:
Ianto Jones
MP:
Willie (two men in a bed) Hague - First Secretary of State, Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs.
Suitable qualities:
Me Hague and Ianto were capable of enjoying the attentions of both sex's in hotel rooms.

Torchwood Character:
Gwen Cooper
MP:
Theresa May - Secretary of State for the Home Department and Minister for Women and Equalities.
Suitable qualities:
She will offer a completely new presentation of the current character, gone will be Gwen Cooper pretty looks, reliability, and ability to melt men with one smile.

Torchwood Character:
Own Harper
MP:
Ed Miliband - Often missing Leader of the Labour Party
Suitable qualities:
Mr Miliband will not need a time capsule or machine to disappear, he has yet to appear as leader of the opposition in Parliament.

Torchwood Character:
Toshiko Sato
MP:
Tessa Jowell - Shadow Minister for the Cabinet Office and Olympics
Suitable qualities:
Being Shadow Minister for the Olympics, she might know about the 'Shadow Proclamation', and it will give her something to do after the Olympic riots.

Torchwood Character:
Rhys Alun Williams, co-habiting boyfriend of principal character Gwen Cooper
MP:
Nick Clegg - Deputy Prime Minister, Lord President of the Council. (With special responsibility for political and constitutional reform, and now advisor on committing political suicide)
Suitable qualities:
Used to playing support to a leading actor, and used to be fag private school.

Director and producer of the new series in the UK is likley to be the President of the European Union, Jerzy Buzek, if we raise the amount of cash asked for as a back-hander for him.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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