Written by masterchev
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Tags: Welsh

Monday, 5 September 2011

image for A Welshman's Guide to Welsh #1 You'd be baa-rking mad to miss this one.

Thinking of travelling to the country of the Rising Sun? Got the Land of Lakes on your mind?

Why not scrap these holiday ideas and throw them in the dumpster, and instead take a short commute down the M4 down to Wales: Current Population 50,000 miners; 20,000 choirs and about 4.5 million sheep.

Wales has plenty to offer the average tourist. If you like sitting in a caravan watching television with bad signal whilst your missus complains about the naff weather, then Wales is the perfect tourist destination. Our average climate has been described as "Shit", "Piss poor" and for some reason "Perfect for my Radishes" by an elderly vegetable hoarder.

If you like mountains and castles, why bother sticking to Google Earth? The Welsh are so clever, we built a train that takes you up the top of our tallest mountain and down! Meaning no achey feet, and no need to spend half your earnings on walking boots and the various safety pads the guidebooks recommend.

Wales is the capital of culture, and we're proud of our multidiversity. In Cardiff alone, you can find approximately 5,000 Chinese Restaurants, Indian Tandooris and McDonalds chains: all within five minutes of each other.

Whilst Wales offers incredible television, our Welsh Language dramas have the biggest storylines. Fancy seeing who stole Mrs. Jones's pet cat? Want to know how much a pack of Wine Gums will cost in Derek's corner shop? All these stories and more will be explored in the coming weeks of our newest Soap Opera: "Isnit".

So what are you waiting for? Pack up your belongings and take a trip across the border. Just don't mention the "E" word and you'll be alright!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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