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Saturday, 3 September 2011

image for Memories of 2050 from 2090 UK Memory Twelve

Published in aid of the Outer Peruvian Pregnant Kangaroo Appreciation Society, Nottingham Branch.

We have obtained from our Futurist Predictor, Mr I Seeitall, a list of comments passed on to the young of 2090, about the year 2050, for your entertainment, perusal, and education.

We hope these revelations will assist you all in your future sospital, and will be soloecal to all.

Mr Seeitall is available for consultations every sixth Wednesday of every month.

UK Memories
UK Memory One:
"Aye, I remember when we only had street riots once a day!"

UK Memory Two:
"I can remember what Petrol and Diesel were!"

UK Memory Three:
"I remember when you could buy a week's groceries for three people for under £1,400!"

UK Memory Four:
"I remember when you could post a letter for only £14, and it was delivered within a month!"

UK Memory Five:
"I remember when the banks first opened branches at Petrol Stations!"

UK Memory Six:
"I remember when cigarettes and tobacco were legal before prohibition!"

UK Memory Seven:
"I remember when Alcohol was dearer then tap water!"

UK Memory Eight:
"I remember when Politician were honest and reliable... not really, only kidding!"

UK Memory Nine:
"I remember when England last won a football match!"

UK Memory Ten:
"I remember when Policemen ate Pizzas and Kebabs!"

UK Memory Eleven:
"I can just remember when we used to drink tap water instead of the £127 a bottle of 1,977 times recycled water we do today!"

UK Memory Twelve:
"I remember the EEC Fishing Policy, and when we had fish in the sea!"

UK Memory Thirteen:
"I remember when the UK had a vehicle manufacturing base, thanks to the Germans, Japanese, and Koreans!"

UK Memory Fourteen:
"I remember when the average pay was only £544 an hour!"

UK Memory Fifteen:
"I remember when the UK forces attacked the Shetland Isles... OK they lost, but they attacked them!"

UK Memory Sixteen:
"I remember reading that we used to have dock workers... whatever they were?"

UK Memory Seventeen:
"I remember when we had an aircraft carrier... we cold not afford to run it, but we had one!"

UK Memory Eighteen:
"I remember when the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion was a male!"

UK Memory Nineteen:
"I remember when dead bodies were cremated, and not recycled to feed the illegal immigrants!"

UK Memory Twenty:
"I remember when you were not arrested for smoking in public!"

UK Memory Twentyone:
"I remember the brave members of the SAS who were sent into a Nottingham nursery school to quell a riot by the pupils, I even went to their funerals!"


USA Memories
USA Memory One:
"I remember when you could buy a week's groceries for three people for $5,876!"

USA Memory two:
"I remember when you could mail a letter for only $114!"

USA Memory Three:
"I remember when cigarettes and tobacco were legal before prohibition!"

USA Memory Four:
"I remember when Politician were honest and reliable... not really, only kidding!"

USA Memory Five:
"I remember when we had a Redskin President!"

USA Memory Six:
"I remember when Policemen ate doughnuts!"

USA Memory Seven:
"I can just remember when we used to drink tap water instead of the $327 a bottled of 1,947 times recycled water we do today!"

USA Memory Eight:
"I remember when American's drove American cars, before they became extinct!"

USA Memory Nine:
"I remember when folk could get to see the Doctor or Dentist for less than $4,559 a session!"

USA Memory Ten:
"I remember when spectators stayed awake at Baseball games!"

USA Memory Eleven:
"I remember when the average pay was only $1,744 an hour!"

USA Memory Twelve:
"I remember reading that we used to to be a world power!"

USA Memory Thirteen:
"I remember when the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion was a male!"

USA Memory Fourteen:
"I remember when dead bodies were cremated, and not recycled to feed the illegal immigrants!"

USA Memory Fifteen:
"I remember when cars were allowed in New New New York!"

USA Memory Sixteen:
"I remember when the population of America was less than 9,345 million!"

USA Memory Seventeen:
"I remember when Members of the Senate listened to voters... okay, I'm lying on this one!"

USA Memory Eighteen:
"I remember when you could breath on the streets of New New New York without an oxygen mask!"

USA Memory Nineteen:
"I remember when we did not have armed guards in watchtowers at out schools!"

USA Memory Twenty:
"I can remember a time that the Government did not dispense free Outer Mongolian Heroin sachets to the school students!"

USA Memory Twenty one:
"I can recall when telephone numbers had less than 34 digits!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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