Written by Lady Godiva
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Friday, 22 July 2011

image for Does this Spoof writer qualify for a disability pension? Technology is driving me crazier than I was I'm a nutcase - here - meet some of my friends

Many years ago, around 1957,I was totally fascinated by the television set my dad bought when I was about 9 years old. A small black and white picture came into our living room each day, to amuse us and bring us World News.

No needed to get off the couch to change channels, we only had ONE. We DID have to wait a few minutes for the t.v. to 'warm up' though.

The test card showed when there were to t.v. programmes on. I believed t.v. ended at l0.30pm in those days. We had the epilogue, (a bible reading) then the National Anthem.

We had no telephone, no car, no fridge. Life was simple back then.

Eventually came colour t.v. but eventually SOMEONE had to get up off the couch to change channels because by now we had TWO.

Forward to 2011 and I can count SIX remote controls spread out around me. Regular (old)T.V.remote, which is needed to turn the t.v. ON and OFF, V.C.R. remote, D.V.D. remote, Surround Sound remote control....I don't know what the sixth one's for. I don't aim on touching any of it's buttons for fear of what might happen.

Oh! We just recently had a new garage door installed and IT has a remote control (2 actuall) which the garage installer left inside the garage when he came out and 'closed' the door to check if the 4 digit code I had entered, actually worked. Shoot! It didn't...and the remotes were INSIDE the garage.

Eventually I got the code correct much to the relief of the installer because the garage door leading from inside the house to the garage was locked and I didn't have a key.

It's terrible aging because my short-term memory is shot!

I always have my cell phone beside me. This is where I feel I am going crazy:

I HAVE tried to change t.v. channels with my cell phone....I have tried to SEND A TEXT on the Cable t.v. remote control. I have tried to ANSWER the t.v. remote when my cell phone rang.

My husband has left his cell phone at home a few times and EVERY time he does so I pick up my cell phone to text him to let him know where HIS cell phone is. Duh!

I handed my driver's license over to a cashier yesterday instead of my bank card.

The list is getting longer. I'm wondering if I qualify for a disability pension.

Reading this over, I wish I'd put the bit about the garage door remote at the end of this. I can't cut and paste just now because I can't find my mouse to highlight text etc.

Aah well! Never mind!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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