Written by Guy Bellefonte
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 27 June 2011

image for The Under-Employed Oath

Working twice as hard for half the pay has become my new passion in life

After gas, day care and tolls, I'm banking an extra $5 a month more than unemployment

The extra cash is great, but the opportunity to work for a heartless organization is worth its weight in gold

I feel lucky to have a job

Although much younger, my boss has seen it all and knows what is best in every imaginable situation.

"Double it and cut it in half," he yells. "Again, but faster!" The managerial wizard is busier than ever.

It is quite foolish of me to offer constructive feedback as my tiny brain cannot comprehend the big picture

I feel lucky to have a job (sigh)

I am motivated by ALL CAPS and e-mails yelling: CRITICAL PROJECT-EXTRA HOURS MANDATORY.

Spending time with family is completely overrated. It's like cheating on the company.

My child has a selfish immune system. Sick at the end of the month? He must not know that this is a CRITICAL PROJECT!

I have a job.

During times of stress, it is comforting to have co-workers who spew wild rumors about possible layoffs.

I'm fortunate to have thin cubicle walls which do not prevent me from hearing nails being clipped,

or conversations about Whiskers, the sick cat with a lingering eye infection and nasty temper.

I feel lucky to have a friggin job.

Cliche phrases excite me. I love their vague message which makes very little sense.

At the end of the day, it is what it is, and we should be happy to have jobs in this economy.

I envy the talented few who have the uncanny ability to speak loud nonsense on conference calls yet have the discipline to never follow through.

I am an underemployed American.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^