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Friday, 10 June 2011

image for Internet Access Declared a Human Right

Last week, a U.N. report declared that Internet access is a basic human right. Let's take a look at some other pivotal moments in human rights recognition over the years.

1760 B.C.: Babylonian king Hammurabi affirms the right of Hammurabi to do whatever the fuck he pleases.

1,000 B.C.: Mosaic law establishes the rights of all of God's children--provided those children are Israelites who worship Him.

1789: The right of the French people to alter or abolish the heads of their rulers exercised.

1919: Congress gives women the right to vote, though the right to be anything other than a housewife would not be extended until 1970.

1954: African-Americans finally given full access to America's shitty and failing public school system.

1973: Perhaps the most controversial Supreme Court decision ever, Roe v. Wade legalizes spitting on an underage rape victim and calling her a baby-killer.

1986: The Supreme Court rules in Keel v. New Yorkthat the right to rock is not constitutionally-protected, but the right to R&B is covered under the Fourteenth Amendment.

2001: All of the above abolished to fight terror.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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