Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 1 June 2011

image for Kirstie Alley Says That Being On Dancing With The Stars Has Helped Her Go Down To A Size 6 - Hmmm Kirstie has said that her days of eating six Big Macs daily are long gone. (Photo courtesy of Bruno Tonioli).

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kirstie Alley has said that she was actually thrilled at the fact that she managed to make it all the way to The Dancing With The Stars finals and end up finishing number two.

Alley and her partner, Maksim Chmerkovskiy, aka "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom," were beaten by Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward and his pro partner Australia's Kym Johnson.

Kirstie entered the competition weighing an amazing 409 pounds. And throughout the many weeks of the strenuous rehearsing and live performances she managed to lose 173 pounds and get her weight down to 236.

Alley recently invited Left Coast Mirror Magazine's Cashmere Cunninghaven to her West Hollywood mansion, Casa Calories. She told Cashy, as she is known, that she is now down to a size 6.

"A size 6!" Cashy yelled out at the top of her lungs.

"Hey shut up bitch" Alley fired back.

Cashy apologized saying that she was just astounded that she is able to get into size 6 clothes since she herself is a size 6 and she only weights 147.

Kirstie rolled her eyes, stuck her finger in her mouth, and told her that all of her size 6 clothes are made from the most stretchable material known to man.

She then reached into her purse and pulled out two little things which were the size of a couple of Planter's peanuts. She asked Cashy if she had any idea what they were.

The reporter shook her head that she had no idea. Kirstie smiled and told her that they were gloves. And she then proceeded to put them on and showed Cashy just exactly how much that particular type of material can stretch.

When asked what the material is called, Alley simply said that the material is made from crushed Finfinfosa leaves that are gathered three times a year from the ancient Peruvian city of Machu Picchu high in the Peruvian Andes.

Miss Alley has said that she is getting together with the billionaire owner of the NBA Dallas Mavericks Mark Cuban about going into partnership to import tons of Finfinfosa leaves into the United States.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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