Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 31 May 2011

image for The Jersey Shore's Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi Crashes Into A Police Car "Snooki's" accident happened about two blocks from Florence's famed Hotel Fettuccine Alfredo.

FLORENCE, Italy - The cast of The Jersey Shore seems to somehow manage to stay on the front pages of the Italian news media.

The Daily Vino reports that one of the shows stars, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, the little bitty actress and a female companion were driving in Florence looking for a nice pizza parlor.

As their Fiat Multipla approached an intersection Polizzi did not notice that there was a police car in front of her and when the police car suddenly stopped for the traffic light, Polizzi failed to react in time and she ended up rear-ending the patrol car.

Both officers were hurt in the accident. The male officer identified as Carlo Pastarelli, 43, told the investigating officer Vito Balsamica, 29, that he was hurt. When asked what was wrong he replied, "Well, it'sa my neck, she's is hurting like a son-of-a-bitch."

The female officer, Sophia Gorgonzola, 26, was also hurt and replied "My foota chee isa not feelin howa you say, too gooda eh?"

Both officers were taken to Florence's Frank Sinatra Hospital for treatment. Officer Gorgonzola stated that while she in the hospital she wants to go ahead and get that breast enhancement surgery she has been putting off for two years.

Meanwhile "Snooki" Polizzi was asked for her drivers license. She said that she did not have it with her. She was asked for an photo ID and again said that she did not have it on her possession.

The investigating officer then asked her if she had a credit card. No. How about a receipt for a bottle of wine? Or a photo of a plate of Fettuccine Alfredo? Anything?

Nicole, stood there licking her lips and just acting like she was at the beach. Officer Balsamica then gave her a sobriety test. He told her to touch her nose. "Wiff what?" she asked.

The officer put his hand on his gun. He told her to touch her nose with her friggin finger. She did. He then told her to count to ten backwards. She did but somehow managed to skip the number six.

When told that she had forgotten the six she replied that she did not forget it and that she purposely skipped it because she considers it to be her bad luck number.

The officer then gave her a breathalyzer test, which she amazingly passed. He then said that he was going to frisk her. "For why" she asked.

The officer informed her that it was standard police policy to frisk all people involved in an incident with police officers to make sure that they are not carrying a concealed weapon.

"In my underwear?" She yelled.

The officer called for backup. He told her that she really needed to lose the attitude and lose the bitch effen fast before he arrested her for being disruptive, argumentative, inflammatory, and for being below the normal height limit for a woman of her age and weight.

After the back up officer arrived Miss Polizzi was advised that she was going to receive a TSA-like pat down.

She hollered out that she did not see no freakin plane anywhere in sight and that all they wanted to do was to touch her groin goody because it just happens to be the famous groin goody of a famous American actress.

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi was immediately handcuffed, read her rights, and taken down to the central police station for questioning.

Polizzi was soon released with the understanding that she keep her mouth shut for eight hours or risk being arrested for Ipso Con Soprano El Chiefo Habeas, better known as contempt of the Police Chief.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top