Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

Victoria's Secret issued a brief statement this morning saying that the account of Newt Gingrich has been closed.

"We do not ordinarily comment on this type of decision," said a spokesman, "but in this case and because of the prominence of the individual involved, we will elaborate to a small degree. Mr. Gingrich's account is overdue in the amount of $125,000 and although this is not excessive in comparison with his past balances over the years, it is now past due by over six months. This coupled with the abuse of our return policy makes it impossible for us to keep the account open any longer."

A reporter asked, "What about the return policy, can you give us any details? This seems unusual."

Spokesman: "We have a strict policy that no items can be returned that have been used and previously worn. There are no exceptions. This happened time and time again with Mr. Gingrich. All I can tell you is that it was quite obvious they had been used. As to the extra large thongs in magenta, we had to have them especially manufactured and Mr. Gingrich knew at the time, there could be no returns."

Newt Gingrich, appearing on Good Morning American this morning reacted angrily to the Victoria's Secret statement.

"This is nobody's business," said Gingrich. "What I do with my own money is my business. What I or my wife or significant others wear is nobody's business! The only thing that the people of America need to know is that I love my country, love it so much that it hurts." He paused, "As to the magenta thongs, a lot of people like magenta!"

In related news, the first Mrs. Gingrich speaking from a trailer park near Atlanta, issued the following statement; "That's not the Newt that I knew. The only gift he ever gave me was a granny nightgown from the Nearly New Shoppe. We got so much of our stuff there, our friends started to call it, The Nearly Newt Shoppe!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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