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Friday, 20 May 2011

image for American Idol Down To The Final Two As Haley Reinhart Is Sent Back To Illinois Former Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger literally stole the show with her live 'non-syncing' performance.

HOLLYWOOD - The former lead singer with the Pussycat Dolls, Nicole Scherzinger stole the show as she danced and pranced on the American Idol stage throwing down some dance moves that even had judge Jennifer Lopez oohing and ahhing.

Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson was so embarrassed he turned two shades of purple and Steven "Lips" Tyler was so engrossed he even put down his copy of Rolling Stone Magazine.

Ryan Seacrest stood at the side of the stage with his mouth semi-open looking like a little school boy who was gazing at his 21-year-old miniskirt-wearing English teacher.

And the three remaining contestants Lauren "Peaches" Alaina, Scotty "Dubya" McCreery, and Haley "Tripsy" Reinhart looked very concerned as they stood on the stage sporting their sprayed on tans.

Seacrest showed videos of the three going back to their hometowns. Scotty returned to Garner, North Carolina which is noted for having the biggest fried okra in the entire Northern Hemisphere.

As Scotty was performing on a make-shift stage he was surprised by country performers Josh Turner, Carrie Underwood, Lady Antebellum, Willie Nelson, The Barenaked Ladies, and the former Billy Ray Cyrus.

The mayor of Garner presented McCreery with the keys to the town's farm tractor.

Haley returned to her hometown of Wheeling, Illinois which is noted for being the place where Al Capone once shopped for cigars at a local Piggly Wiggly Supermarket.

Reinhart was presented with a gift certificate for $25 to Cousin Connie's Beauty Salon & Nail Cutting Parlor.

Lauren "Peaches" Alaina returned to her hometown of Rossville, Georgia, or as it is known throughout the state, The Town That For Some Weird Reason The Civil War Completely Overlooked.

Alaina was met by the town's dentist Dr. Rayner P. Twiggston who presented her with a coupon for three free teeth cleanings.

She then went out to her high school Georgia On My Mind High School where the school librarian Mrs. Gertrude Flovis Crockercrox informed her that she had an overdue library book and that her fine now totalled $67.95.

Lauren started crying and the high school principal Fryfuller "Bubba" Goosefoot told her not to worry that he would pay for it out of the faculty's miscellaneous slush fund.

After everyone returned back to the American Idol stage, Ryan Seacrest uttered those now famous words..."Let's dim the lights."

He said that the first person to be safe was...going to be revealed after the commercial break.

When they returned Seacrest said that Scotty McCreery was safe.

Ryan then said to dim the lights even lower (so as to not show the tears). He then announced that the one going home was...Haley Reinhart.

Haley looked as surprised as Daughtry had when he was eliminated several years ago.

Reinhart whispered to Ryan that she wanted to see the mother effen card because she did not friggin believe that "Peaches" Alaina had been picked to go onto the finals over her.

Ryan handed Haley the microphone and told her to sing. Haley told Ryan to stick the microphone up his (blank). They went to a quick commercial.

And when they returned Seacrest said that after thinking it over, Haley would now be singing and be singing happily.

Reinhart nodded that she had agreed to sing happily and of her own free will. And with that Seacrest had security remove the handcuffs and Haley sang her little butt off.

So now Scotty McCreery and Lauren Alaina will be battling it out for what many critics and fans are calling third place, behind James Durbin (second place) and Pia Toscano (first place).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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