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Monday, 16 May 2011

image for Traffic Information Around Dublin During The Queens Visit Well who else were you expecting?

As you travel around Dublin City centre in the coming days you may notice that all is not what you though it was. One may notice that there is little or no suitable parking. Regular drivers will be aware of how unusual this is as normally one can park ones car any where with reckless abandonment in Dublin.

The following parking arrangements have being put in place over the next few days the police have advised that you can only park outside Government buildings, Dublin castle, McDonalds in O'Connell St and Sinn Fain head office (if you are a party member). Extra emergency or disabled parking will also be provided in the Olympic village in east London (Directions in you're A to Z of London), I should point out that this is pay and display and offenders will be shoot on site.

For those of you attempting to get to the city from the south side we suggest that you embark onto the Hollyhead ferry and go to Wales, on arrival go to the nearest airport and get the first flight back to Dublin airport. This way you will circumvent the chaos of the city and avoid further disruption. Those of you trying to get from the north side of the city should do the same in reveres. Those of you coming from west Dublin should use Knock Airport and then walk.

Like most of the Brits that visit us Her Majesty likes to down a few and will be visiting Guinness on Wednesday. We don't know how long she'll be there, but they have a bar extension well into the early hours, just in case. There are unconfirmed reports that she will then move to Temple Bar after the match. Police are on stand by and the public is warned to keep clear of this sceptical as there could be trouble. The Queen is a well known Mill Wall Supporter and can get quiet excited.

She will also visit Dublin Castle for something to eat. I understand that she may want to go through the bed rooms to see if her relatives left anything behind when they left. In the 1920s. There was talk of some missing jewels

The zoo is closed during the visit; emotions are running high as a lot of the animals are from ex-colonial countries and suffered mass slather from head hunters.

All motorways everywhere are closed. All N roads will be closed. If you persist in your fool hardy quest to get into work in the centre of Dublin let me suggest that you take the 1st exit of the Birmingham fly over heading for Heathrow. Make sure that your car is well maintained; you are dressed appropriately and have plenty of snacks with you for the journey.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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