Written by Brett Taylor
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Saturday, 30 April 2011

While Prince William and Kate Middleton were being married,millions of viewers wondered what their royal whispers meant. Now professional lip reader Tina Lannin has deciphered their words for the rest of us.

Here is a transcript:

10:20--William (to brother Harry): "Quite big, isn't it? This wedding."

Harry: "Uh, yes. Now let's get on with it.

10:35--William (to Kate): "You look nice." (to lady in audience) "Hello, toots. You look pretty fit too."

10:55--William (to Kate): "You okay?"

Kate: "Yes."

William: "I'm quite dull you know. I talk about polo a lot."

Kate: "Umm."

Willaim: "Also, the doctor says my hair has only six months."

Kate: (smiles)

William: "I'm thinking of buying a hairpiece. I've found one that looks like Donald Trump's. He's a personal hero of mine."

Kate: (smiles a little weakly)

William: "Also, I plan on letting myself go. I've eaten too healthy for too long. I plan on getting very fat and laying around all day. That's my privelege, is it not?"

11:10: William: "Did I mention you'll be walking the Corgis two hours a day? Everyone has to do it, Her Majesty demands it. Don't worry, you won't have to clean up the poop. We have a Scotchwoman who does that."

11:20: William: Did you know I'm not just the Prince, I'm also the Duke of Cambridge? Pretty nifty, eh?

11:40: (as the choir sings) William: Some of these boys look like Harry Potter.

11:50--William: "Charlie Sheen belled me last night. I'll be visiting him for long periods of time."

Kate: (no longer smiling)

12:00--Queen Elizabeth (to Prince Philip): "Quite good, I thought."

Prince Philip: "What's that?"

Elizabeth: "The wedding."

Philip: "Was there a wedding?"

Elizabeth: "Of course there was! Were you napping?"

Philip: "Sorry."

Elizabeth: "Remember when we were young and happy?"

Philip: "No."

Elizabeth: "Nor do I."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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