Accused by some of being unable to maintain order at a knitting convention, the Metropolitan Police today revealed they planned a series of pre-emptive arrests to prevent "anarchy" at the royal wedding next week.
"First target has to be the prince himself," said deputy commander Mandy Sander as I interviewed the chief in the back of her panda.
"There can't be no trouble if the wedding's off," echoed ops director Charlie McGoff.
"We have a firm plan to prevent disorder, we'll lock up them both if we need to avoid a, repeat of the disaster; the previous marriage, where sad lady Di met her end when her carriage; hit a brick wall at tremendous speed, when perused by the paps in pursuit of greed..."
It was then that I realised that this was obscene, a plan that would anger Her Highness the Queen; and all loyal subjects awaiting the day, when drunk under bunting they shout "hip hooray!".
A loyal patriot I made my way quick, to broadcasting house - I knew a trick! I was due live on air - just after ten, a news report followed the sound of Big Ben!
I steadied my nerves as the big bell did chime,
and told of the anarchy unfolding in rhyme;
Behind the disruption, I told the nation;
- The Met Police Poet Association