Written by Jermaine Shepard
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: X-Factor

Tuesday, 5 April 2011

The X Factor USA clock has been ticking but 2 judges have yet to be announced. Speculation has been rife about who the remaining judges may be.

Names mentioned for possible judges have included Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey, Nicole Scherzinger and Cheryl Cole. As always, there has been much speculation concerning Cheryl Cole, who was already reported to have signed a 10 million, 3 million, think of a number and add some zeroes, deal.

Simon Cowell, whose noteworthy accomplishments have included the release of recordings by Zig and Zig and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, has stated the Cheryl is 'in the mix' but has not clarified which 'mix' he is talking about and whether she is 'at the bottom' of the 'mix' or somewhere nearer the top.

There has been a general feeling amongst some names, sources who wish to remain anonymous claim, that although many persons have been approached there is the worry that playing second fiddle to Simon's cliché remarks and knockbacks in what has become a circus show in the UK would not help progress anyone but Simons career.

One has to question why, if pre-judge attendance auditions take place do these so called 'auditions' manage to still put through a stack of incompetent misguided fools, who just happen to be the oddest people on the planet as well as the ugliest. Then again, throw in a few nice looking, preferably young, contestants with a hard luck story - my dad was jailed for armed robbery, mum beat up a toilet attendant for not handing over lollipops; that kind of thing, and hey bingo, through you go.

Simon has in some respect created a monster which the western world all look up to now - we can look forward to those 12 yr olds telling us they have worked all their lives to get where they are, all the time while Simon is thinking about how much money he can make from them, only for them to be cast out after their 15 minutes of fame is complete (and then for them to resurrect their career, post therapy, drugs, jail, etc. in about 15 years time).

So, the real question on everyone's lips should be, not who will be chosen as the next judge, but who, like Mariah Carey, has probably wisely turned down the chance. Yes, we have heard the 'we want to make sure we pick the right judge' comments, hence why it is taking so long - "a decision will be made in 4 weeks", was that back in December last year? - 'a decision will be made in January/February/March/end of April, etc,etc' wouldn't it be great if come the live shows we have a surprise and find out who the judges will be then - Zig and Zig maybe?

Somehow, though, I feel that Cheryl's chances are on the up. She has the chemistry with Simon; right now you can just hear her practicing in the dressing room sucking up to master Simon, feeding his ego and glossy teeth.

The worrying fly in the ointment is, after the usual 'an artist who has sold over 250 million records worldwide (or produced for major international artists who have sold over 250 million records worldwide)', comments, that are thrown out on the screen every time a big name is introduced, what will they do with Cheryl? - it's the UK's Princess, part of the "major" force that is Girls Aloud (unknown outside UK/Ireland probably), the wild child (street cred for assault charge) turned glamour puss, she's had it tough (waiting weeks in those poor luxury hotel surroundings having to watch the pennies, stressing out over it puffing at the ole ciggies - just your average kinda girl, eh?) but now it's her turn to shine, chose and mentor those budding participants (because we know they want to be just like her, or not as the case may be.

On a different note, rumour has started to circulate that Gamu Nhengu was considering flying to the States to try out over there, but she is awaiting on confirmation as to whether Cheryl will be a judge before making a decision. It has also been reported that some groups are considering helping to fund a one way journey for Katie Waissel and Cher Lloyd should Cheryl land her dream job. After all, the sight of some familiar friends may help her to settle in - what do readers think?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top