Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Saturday, 2 April 2011

Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey held a press conference and town hall meeting yesterday to explain his position on running for president. He started his remarks by saying, "Rude, crude, & Unattractive rocks! You got a problem with that?!" The attendees yelled in unison, "NO!"

Christie continued: "You want a beauty queen or a snob, go look someplace else. You ever look in a mirror? Frankly, none of you would win a beauty contest either!" The crowd roared its approval.

Christie continued: "I don't particularly want to be president. It's a shitty job and you got to deal with a lot of shitty people." He paused, "and frankly that includes you!" At this point, the crowd stood and gave him a standing ovation. Christie held up his hands for silence. "I don't crave this adulation shit either so listen up. I don't talk Harvard and I don't talk hillbilly, I talk New Jersey. You've got Harvard now, if you want hillbilly, vote for Huckabee, frankly you'd be doing me a favor. You got a problem with that!?" The standing ovation continued.

"So, if I run, either vote for me or don't vote for me. Frankly, I don't give a fiddler's fuck. Most of you have IQ's that don't exceed your normal body temperature and a lot more of you are a brick short of a load!" The cheers were frenzied.

As Christie finished and the crowd roared, a reporter from the NYT turned to a colleague and said, "He's running, isn't he?"

The colleague replied; "Can't lose!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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