Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Thursday, 31 March 2011

Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump held separate town hall meetings yesterday in Iowa. The purpose: To convince evangelical Christians that their past lives and many wives were perfectly consistent with family value voters.

According to members of the national media that attended, Gingrich made no apologies for his past life.

Gingrich: "Yes," and he paused, "I have loved my fellow human beings too much at times. God gave me all of this love of country and mankind and asked me to share it. I have done his will. The fact that some of this love overlapped at times amongst the women in my life is a human failure, if in fact, it is a failure at all."

He paused, looked directly at the assembled and continued: "Now, let's cut to the chase. I am smarter than you. In fact, I am smarter than all of you put together. If you don't want to live under Sharia law and a Muslim dictator, you will do what is best for you and this country. Remember, you don't have to be smart; you just have to show up. Believe me, I know what is best. My IQ is 145!"

The meeting lasted less than five minutes. As he left the podium and a cheering crowd, a journalist heard a young attractive aide say to him, "Oh Newtie, you're such a cutie!"

In a different part of the state and later in the day, Donald Trump held his town hall meeting in De Moines. The wire services are reporting his demeanor was similar to Gingrich and his message only slightly different.

Trump: "OK folks, let's cut to the chase here. Most of you don't have a pot to put your corn in. I am one of the richest people in America which means I am successful in every way. As far as my three marriages are concerned, it is none of your business. I may do it a few more times. Here is what you need to know, so listen up. Every one of you that votes for me in the caucus next year will be rewarded with a one thousand dollar check and a free three day trip, all expenses paid to one of my casinos." The crowd gave Trump a standing ovation as Trump smiled benignly. After several minutes of applause, Trump quieted the crowd by holding up his arms and asking for silence. He finished by saying dramatically, "And remember this, in a Trump administration, it will no longer be illegal to have sex with farm animals!"

The assembled stood, cheered and shouted, "God is great!" The meeting was over in less than five minutes. Trump was seen leaving the podium with an attractive young aide that was heard to say, "Oh Donny, I love your hair!"

In related news, the latest Gallup poll indicates that Donald Trump is ahead of Newt Gingrich in Iowa and South Carolina by double digits.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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