LAFAYETTE, Louisiana - President Obama was down in the Bayou State helping to crown this years "Miss Crayfish Cutey" of 2011.
He told the crowd that had gathered at a Walmart parking lot, estimated to be about 78,000, including 27 ex-change students from Iraq, that other than getting more jobs for the American worker his goal is to capture Colonel Gadhafi and incarcerate him at New York's Sing Sing Prison and force him to take some much needed 'Anger Management Asses Classes.'
The president was asked by Rumsfeld Muddlefish of the supermarket tabloid Just Saying if he in fact didn't mean to say 'Anger Management Classes.
The president grinned a half grin and asked, "Rumsfled Muddlefish is it?"
"Yes sir Mr. President."
The president shook his head, raised his eyebrows, took a puff from his Marlboro Light, and said that he does not appreciate it when some member of the media other than CNN, CBS, Tittle Tattle Tonight, Bedroom Pillow Talk, iGossip, or Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine tries to correct him on something that he said that needs absolutely no correcting.
An embarrassed Mr. Muddlefish apologized to President Obama and said that it would never happen again.
The president smiled, took another puff of his cigarette and replied that he knew damn well that it would not happen again because he was going to see to it that the Secret Service banned his ass from ever getting within two miles of him.
He then asked if anyone had any questions. A reporter for GOPicky Magazine raised her hand. The president ignored her and called on Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo.
Go ahead Señor de Gallo he said in perfect Spanish. De Gallo gave him a thumbs up and asked if he thinks that Sarah Palin's latest geographical gaff about Costa Rica being located between Afghanistan and Switzerland will hurt her chances in 2012 even more.
Barry, as his wife "The First Mama" Michelle calls him in bed, started laughing so hard he dropped his Marlboro Light. Luckily one of his Secret Service Agents put it out before it burned the dress of GOPicky reporter Tabitha Tula Wishywater, 52.
The president said that old "Crosshairs" Palin is going to be the first politician in history to undercut her own presidential primary campaign.
The president giggled and said that the Republican primary candidates only need to let "Snowflake" talk and the jock-strap wearing huntress will defeat her own self with very little ease.
GOPicky reporter Tabitha Tula Wishywater, after the meeting informed White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax that she wanted him to write her a check in the amount of $217 to pay for the damage to the dress that the president's cigarette had done.
Colfax took out the United States Government checkbook and wrote her out a check for $38. He said that one of his aide's had already checked the dress out on the Internet and informed him that the same exact dress in the same exact 'big woman's size' sells for $38 at Walmart.
In other news. The rumor about Governor Jan Brewer being pregnant with Sheriff Joe "Pinky" Arpaio's baby has been proved to be false. Governor Brewer had her tubes tied back on Valentine's Day of 1977 at the age of 33.