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Saturday, 26 March 2011

The Adventures of Barry O'Farrell
By Les Patterson Jnr

Most of the Foreign Jippos and Wogs that moved to Australia in the 1950s brought with them the muscle and capacity to build great state infrastructure like the snowy hydro scheme in New South Wales. Now your asking why would a dinky di Aussie like Lesley Patterson Junior raise this in the first paragraph of his latest article?

Well dear reader, you have to understand Australia's and New South Wales' population explosion has continued but hasn't leveraged the current human imports to achieve something as grandiose as the snowy hydro.

This has been the real problem for Labor. They've always been hot on the idea of continuing to bring in foreigners to Australia's shores but aren't so keen on infrastructure projects that leverage 'big arse' job creation to borrow my old man's phraseology.

Bob Carr, Nathan Rees and virtually every other front bench clown that circulated like the rotating doors of Sydney's Sangria La Hotel all knew they were titanically screwed from the start.

They so perfectly screwed it that they decided to put Kristina Kennel in as leader! HOLY CRAP! She was the perfect import. White, woman, and a rich foreign accent to boot. How awesome was Labor strategists move on that one! Bloody Genius (sarcasm intended).

If you wanna put foreigners to work, put them down the mine or, on an infrastructure project like roads or highways.

Kristina Kennel would have been a perfect candidate to be farmed out to a regional NSW town somewhere to work as the local Union rep, Broken Hill or something like that where she couldn't cause much trouble.

Instead what does the Labor machine do? Like a comic Broadway Musical they stuff everything up by putting her front and center!

A Current Affair's and Today Tonight could have started their own segment called 'Dick-Head Watch' in the last 18 months, its been that bad!

Getting a bus from my flat in Manly into Kings Cross to enjoy my Friday night optic nerve stimulation activities has been particularly trying. If a bus time table says a bus arrives at a certain time, it bloody well better run on TIME!

Failures on power privatization, rolling a leader on same, screwing with the people. It's like a Chinese Food fart gone wrong! It should smell nice but doesn't!

I mean Crikey, I would have made a better leader! I drink, I smoke, I womanise. No one would have cared. Plus it would have taken the pressure off all the other scatological style Labor adventures that permeated the news.

Truth be told though, I'm a Liberal. Dear old Dad doesn't like it. He was always a fan of Gough Whitlam, Tripe ridden arrogant socialist bastard that he was. It's a story as old as time itself, the younger going opposite to the old man.

Menzie's what a guy. But I digest. Labor in NSW has been in power since most of us Gen Y types were in High School, a seriously long and toxic time!

Bob Carr as Premier began the slide into ignominy. An impish nerdy type, not unlike Kevin, Bobbo really made NSW a disgusting rat infested place to live, indeed he took us back to our convict roots.

An infrastructure plan that doesn't include massive cuts to foreign immigration, to reduce pressures on infrastructure, is a recipe for massive unemployment! What loons NSW has had in charge.

Though through the mists the well read and well fed visage of Barry O'Farrell appeared on the horizon.

BAZZA!!!!!

I dug out an old VHS copy of the Adventures of Barry Mackenzie the other day. Going through it, I picked up the theme song.

That was a missed opportunity on the part of Liberal Party HQ. Should have totally adapted and turned that song into an O'Farrell master-stroke!

A Few explosive Tinnies and some topless horn-bags in Aussie flag bikinis would have been the icing on the fleshy cake.

Fair dinkum the Libs won that many seats in NSW they could have afforded a few topless horn-bags at the after party.

With a few tinnies in tow and some horn-bag research assistance, Bazza you're gonna become the greatest State Premier in the history of the Commonwealth.

Just make sure you fix the buses, trains, roads, education, health, delivery of service, public service, mining tax, the unions and virtually every other toxic element of New South Wales that has Labored under the last Governments rule.

We're watching Bazza, we love you and have given you the greatest majority since Ned Kelly was running around with his merry band of Republican ingrates.

Just make sure you lead wisely. Otherwise you'll end up like Kristina Kennel, out on your ass and potentially the next President of the local PCYC!

Let the adventures begin!


Les Patterson Jnr writes from Sydney, Australia

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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