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Monday, 21 March 2011

image for Scots Tory Conference - "A Great Success"

Scottish Tory leader Annabel Goldie has described as this year's conference in Perth as "the best one yet".

A beaming Goldie addressed the press outside the Dewars Centre immediately after the 2011 Conference had drawn to a close:

This year's conference has been a resounding success.

Only 10% of our older delegates had to be given artificial resuscitation this year, which represents a 50% reduction on previous levels.

And, thanks to the ban on taking Granny Sookers and Sherbet Bon Bons into the arena, fewer people than ever missed any of the speeches due to excessive rustling of sweetie papers.

The venue was a big plus with all the delegates this year, especially the close at hand leisure facilities. This meant that many attendees were able to chill out on the curling and bowling rinks instead of having to listen to the interminable ramblings from lifelong activists that nobody has ever heard of.

And, last but by no means least, the excessiveness comfiness of the chairs in the arena this year meant that only 2 of our frailer delegates woke up from a much needed snooze and had to have Three-In-One applied to their joints to get them moving.

All in all, a rip roaring success.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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