Written by churchmouse
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Sunday, 20 March 2011

image for News from Sunnydays retirement home A nice cup of tea

Oh look! a budgie. Isn't it lovely? I had one just like it, a ginger tom it was, but it got run over. Well they did in those days didn't they - not like now.

I don't know what the world is coming to, what with all this sex and violence you see nowadays. My Charlie was never like that - except when he used to tie me to the mangle and hit me with the coal shovel. I blame those mobile phones myself, they have made life too easy for the youngsters with all of those buttons and things that they have. We had to have know when to press button A or button B when we used the telephone otherwise the door of the phone box wouldn't open and you'd be stuck there with only powdered egg to eat until a policeman came along.

Talking of policemen: Doctor Mangawanga says that he has never seen a cyst that shape before. He says that I'm a medical abnormality. "You're a medical abnormality" he says to me, and what with my bad leg I doubt that I'll be able to get down to the chemist's on Wednesday. A martyr to that leg I am. Doreen Ekerslike always said that hers were on upside-down, but I think that it was because she was looking at them from above. She was ever so much fun when she got going except when she drank too much and would get a bit tiddly. But I shouldn't speak unkindly of her now that she's passed over to the other side ................near the greengrocer's just behind the bus station.

They've put new bins in there. Horrible great ugly things they are, and the people they used to install them! Well talk about the league of nations, it was like listening to one of those pop songs where they just shout at you. I'm sure some of them were Irish.

Do you remember when the bombers used to come over? Terrible it was, sitting in an Anderson shelter every night waiting for it to start and not being able to do anything but just grit your teeth and take it. My Charlie used to come back from the pub and pretend to be a German parachutist. Didn't half put the willies up me I can tell you. He used to make me put his Home Guard battledress on and would say "For you Tommy ze war is over" when he was doing the necessary from behind. I don't know what happened to him. He went out for a loaf of bread in 1954 and I haven't seen him since, but at least my piles got better afterwards.

And another thing; They've started giving us those cheap biscuits that you get at the supermarket with the funny name. They go all soggy when you...................zzzzzzzz.................zzzzz.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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