Written by Jesus Budda
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Tags: 10 Things

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

image for Fascinating. . .Nests Fascinating...

Never let boredom destroy your FASCINATION.

Let us go on a journey to a world where nests are incredibly FASCINATING. . .

FASCINATING Nest related facts . .

We usually associate nests with birds, but prehistoric birds probably buried their eggs in the sand, as some lizards and turtles do today.

Then again, we know fuck all about the olden days so its probably just a load of bollox guessed by scientists with nothing better to do.

The Australian 'mound birds' - also called 'megapodes' or 'brush turkeys' - still bury their eggs in piles of leaves. The heat of rotting vegetation incubates the eggs.

Are they ancestors of the prehistoric birds?

They might just be . . . well, that's what a little birdy just told me. . .

Here are some examples of the materials used in the construction of certain birds nests:

Goldfinches make a dainty little cup of plant fibres, lined with thistledown or cotton and caterpillar silk.

Chimney swifts glue twigs together and fasten them to the inside of a chimney with their own sticky saliva.

Woodpeckers, kingfishers, bank and tree swallows, wood ducks, and many others hide their eggs in holes in trees and in sandbanks.

In most cases it takes about a week to build a nest. If the first nest has been destroyed and the eggs are ready to be laid, birds have been known to build the entire nest in a day.- though obviously not using conventional contractors who normally manage to squeeze the job out for weeks at a time.

Most birds use their nest only once. However, there are many exceptions:

eagles and many other birds of prey use the same nest year after year, adding new material each year.

Woodpeckers, wood ducks, and other hole-nesting species frequently use the same nest for years, stubborn bastards that they are.

Nest building as an adult activity is peculiar to ants, wasps, and bees. Carpenter ants - so named because they carry their pencils behind their ears - live in galleries, which they chew out of tree trunks, logs, and fence posts.

Mound-building ants construct cities in the soil, with thousands of chambers and passageways.

The great paper apartment houses of the paper wasps and the honeycombs of the bees are considered to be marvels of engineering - according to the local paper the 'Daily Bee', that is.

A hatching bird breaks out of the shell by chipping it with a hard prominence on the beak, called the 'egg tooth', near the tip of the bill.

The egg tooth disappears in a short time.

There are two kinds of young birds.

One kind (altricial) remains helpless in the nest for some time.

The other kind (precocial) can run about as soon as hatched.

Both types will eventually shit all over your car at some stage though.

Adolf Hitler's chalet, Berghof, and his retreat, Eagle's Nest, were located near Berchtesgaden in Germany. In 1945 the Berghof was shattered by bombs from British planes, while in 1952 a German demolition firm salvaged some of the ruins of the Berghof and destroyed the rest with explosives.

Rumours that Hitler actually hatched from an egg in the Eagles Nest were never confirmed, although the fact that he was clearly cracked points to some truth in the bizarre tale.

A chipmunk's home is a burrow dug under rocks or tree roots or in old logs.

It contains storerooms and a leaf-lined nest.

By late spring, some 30 days after mating, the female bears an average of four or five young. The young do not leave the nest until they are a month to six weeks old. Chipmunks eat nuts, seeds, wild fruits, and berries. They have inner cheek pouches that they can stuff with food. They also have squeaky voices and are all named Alvin, Simon or Theodore.

A female bee has an egg-laying device, named an 'ovipositor', located at the end of its abdomen. The ovipositor also serves as a weapon and can inflict a painful sting. The bee's sting has no food-capturing function.

It has come to be used for defence against animals (Yogi Bear and his accomplice BooBoo) and humans that raid their honeycombs, and against robber bees and parasitic bees attempting to enter their nests.

Most bees can sting many times, but a honeybee worker has a tiny, hook-shaped barb that is caught inside the victim. This bee cannot fly away without tearing out its ovipositor and some internal organs-a fatal injury. After the dying bee has flown away, its poison sac and the muscles left attached to the ovipositor keep pumping poison into the victim.

A similar effect can be simulated by sitting through an hour of the X-Factor, switching off the telly, and then noticing that the sound of warbling fools still lingers in your mind.

TO BE CONTINUED . . .

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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