Written by Erskin Quint
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Sunday, 6 March 2011

image for Justin Bieber Gets Chat-Up Tips From Robert Pattinson Does This Poodle Look Like Barbara Streisand? Are You An Idiot?

Twilight Titan Robert Pattinson is certainly a hit with the ladies. So is Tousle-Topped Poppet Prince of Pop Justin Bieber. Both Robert Pattinson and Justin Bieber, then, are hits with the ladies.

We asked Hollywood Gossip Guru Gutsi S Vermont about the sex appeal of both Robert Pattinson and Justin Bieber.

"Yes, I would agree", said Gutsi S Vermont. "Both Robert Pattinson and Justin Bieber are great hits with the ladies, as well as being talented stars in their own fields.

"One is more or less not than an actor of even less than a singer of. The other is more not a singer than less of an actor. I couldn't tell which is which. But never mind.

"They are certainly both a hit with the ladies, that's for sure. Say, does my poodle look like Barbara Streisand, or what? You oughta see my thighs these days. They worked wonders with my man boobs. See here, behind my right ear? That's where they make the folds, and bring the stuff outa your ass right in up."

We also asked LA Party Princess Dahlia Nightshade about the rumoured rumours being rumoured about Robert Pattinson and Justin Bieber rumourings.

"Yeah, I hear these stories", Dahlia told us from her poolside stretcher, where she was having emergency first aid after taking an early morning dip. There had been no water in the pool as it was being maintained. Ever the trouper, Dahlia Nightshade was able to continue with the interview.

"These stories I hear", Dahlia told us. "It seems that Robert Pattinson has been teaching Justin Bieber how to flirt with the opposite sex.

"Justin told an old friend of mine, Calvin Glacier III, and this is what Justin told Calvin.

"'One day at a party, Robert comes up to me and says "for whatever reason, people love our hair and our buttocks and it's always a real ice-breaker, expecially when it comes to girls." He is like, "Hey there, wanna touch my hair and my buttocks?" I thought he was joking, but it really works!

"'Unfortunately, it only works with idiots. When I tried it once with this girl, she emptied a plate of spaghetti over my head. Turns out she wasn't an idiot. D'oh! I guess Robert got me there, but I'll get him back when I think of a way to outsmart him one of these days!'

"So that is what I hear", said Dahlia Nightshade. "Now I gotta go, I got a man coming about a nose job."

Are you an idiot?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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