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Thursday, 3 March 2011

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Today's News With Rush Limbo

Good morning. We're back for another eleven hours of truth and insight! Here's what's happening:

Sarah Palin now has her tenth polar bear rug. She stated that this was by far the toughest one yet. It almost caused the helicopter to crash.

Charlie Sheen has asked me to help him get back on his show. He was at a party last night and I told him I'd try to see if Newt Gingrich could help. Maybe he could get a part on the show and change the name to "Two & A Half Chins".

Charlie told me that he would never appear on a reality show again. So guess whose coming on the show tomorrow?

President Obama says that he is prepared to go to Wisconsin and support the strikers. However, Newt Gingrich has stated that if the President leaves, he is prepared to lay siege to the White House.

Things are happening fast in the Middle East. All news reports, including this one, may be outdated any minute. It's changing so fast now that Vice President Joe Biden hasn't had time to say anything stupid about it.

The President also told Libyan leader Gadaffi Duck that the people have spoken and that he should leave. Gadafi says that that never stopped Obama from passing his health care bill!

Joe Biden has made a quick trip to the section of Libya that Gadaffi does not control and joined the crowd that was chanting. Turns out that the Libyan people were not yelling "Down with Gadaffi" but "Death to America!"

Lady Gaga has another birthday this month. Last year a bunch of friends surprised her with a meat cake.

Today, a 13-year-old in Afghanistan is due to marry an 89-year-old wealthy sheik, Mohammed Heffner. Apparently it was arranged when the young lady was born. Meanwhile she told Al-Jazeera that they have many things in common. While she loves to play with dolls and learn dances, he plans to try hard not to die.

We'll be back after Turdley quits dancing and runs to the john...."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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