Today's News With Rush Limbo:
"This is America's Answer Man, along with Turdley, my assistant. What are we going to do tonight, Turdley? Right! We're going to take over the world!
A homicide car bomber in Baghdad, believed to be that of a man who lost all but two of his virgins in a game of dominoes during the previous night, blew up himself and the winner of his other 70 virgins last night...guess they'll settle that later.
Former Vice President has opened a new section in his library in Lincoln, Nebraska showing before and after photos of those he has shot in the face.
Police in New York have discovered a 75-year-old gambling casino hidden behind a big doughnut shop. Also, placed on temporary probation, the officer fink who "discovered" the place.
Justin Bieber has gotten a new haircut. That was why all those protesters were out yesterday in Chicago as Bieber is scheduled for a concert there. It had nothing to do with the Middle East protests, police assure the people living near the big crowd.
Rahm Emmanuel has been elected Mayor of Chicago, by the way. He has filled a request to have his last name changed to Emmanuel-Daley.
That new report released yesterday that men who went bald in their twenties have a much greater likelihood of having prostate and testicle cancer has already had an effect. As of this morning, 112 have committed suicide.
Russia is hiring clowns and mimes to entertain people on their airplane flights. With crying babies and squeezed into small seats, having seltzer sprayed down your crotch should really help draw more people to choose to fly to their destination.
Michelle, My Belle, is still eating enough barbecued ribs to...well, to rival me. Hope she took my small hint the other day about the possibility of a developing a double-tush as she gets a little older.
We'll be right back right after this new parody and commercials...."