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Sunday, 30 January 2011

image for Opthalmic:  By William Shakespeare Otherlo gets his eyes tested

Act one: Scene one: The shop.

DESDAMOANING: "Tis ort but a simple tested of thine eyes, for better looked you at thy newspaper"

OTHERLO: "Verily, thou doth nag thy cranium noon till the moon hath risen and fallen beyond the trees!".

DESDAMOANING: "Rankor me not, for my fist will be upon thy nostrils and mine own boot will meeteth thy bolox".

OTHERLO: "On bike shall thee ride afore ye will strike me woman! For the master of this realm am I an do so to stay!, Now get thee behind and speak not".

DESDAMOANING: "Oh! Mother! Why hath thee forsaken me to this brute! Did ye not warn that he was a wrong un?!"

The shopkeeper enters and speaks.

THE SHOPKEEPER: "Sire! Madam! Would it please thee to give it a rest, and knocketh the shouting on thy nuggets?!

OTHERLO: "Tis this haggard Sire! Proclaiming the boots to bossy this man who stands afore ye! Am I not the master?!

DESDAMOANING: "Master my arse! Tis I that hath the purse strings! And tis I that warrant a word or two with the keeper of this eye shop".

OTHERLO: "Mine mince pies are as clear as the dew that doth gather on every tree nature waters on"

DESDAMOANING: "Bolloxeth"

THE SHOPKEEPER: "Am I to test thine eyes Sire? Madam speaks open of thy need for seeing true"

DESDAMOANING: "Right is right Sire, and I am unanimous ye will testeth the eyes of this blaggard!"

THE SHOPKEEPER: "Sire, your maiden is true, tis ort but a simple test, and will vex you not".

OTHERLO: "Verily I lay down my sword and scabbard, and am at your mercy mate. Let the test begin!"

And so, Otherlo has his eyes tested. In act two, we get the results with some interesting verbal intercourse.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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