Written by Lady Godiva
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Thursday, 27 January 2011

image for You are never too old to learn -  Susan Boyle is in training to become football official Susan is rather hoping to have the red card switched to a purple one for personal reasons

You are never too old to learn something new. Having heard and read the news of male sports announcers ridiculing a female referee's assistant - hinting at the fact that she should learn 'the offside rule', Susan Boyle was extremely upset and decided to do something about it.

"Och! A was reet mad when A heard about those chappies meckking fun o' the wee lassie. She go' the 'call' right! Who dae these chappies think they are? Tae big for their boots I reckon.

"A decided tae dee somethin' aboot it and filled out ma application form tae train as a football official.

"A have followed Celtic all ma life and there's no' much A dinna ken aboot the game masel'.

"A canna wait tae referee ma first wee game an' see or hear wot those dozy buggery sports announcers say aboot me. A'll no' be puttin' up wi' their shenanigans A'll tell yea tha' fer noot.

"Ma legs look great in a pair o' shorts too, even if A say so masel' (giggles and 'Susan wiggle').

"Naturally A won't be able to officiate a' any Celtic games for obvious reasons, but that's alreet wi me.

"A've been practicing runnin' around ma new house - blowin' ma whistle and holding up red an' yella cards. A did trip over Pebbles a few times (giggles) but she's ok. an' so am I.

"Also, A stuck ma dishcloth on the end of ma wooden spoon an' A practice the 'flag' routines. Smacked masel' in the face twice, but am ok now. A decided using a dry dishcloth was much safer than using the we' one (giggles).

"Aye' A'm just waiting for 'the call'."

Susan promised to keep us up to date on her footie official training.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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