Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 19 January 2011

image for Meeting women for Physicists When fields combine, their strength is greater.

There is nothing trickier in life than finding The One. Not Neo from the Matrix, but a partner with which to spend one's life; a soul-mate. The One is often typified by a strong attraction, and it is here where we can look for help in physics with the laws of electromagnetism.

Faraday's law of induction (or in this case, introduction) states that moving a magnet induces electricity. Or to put it another way, when there is a possible object of affection in the room, the first step in creating that spark is to move towards the attractor. The very act of moving in the correct direction starts the electricity moving. No movement, no electricity; going in the wrong direction, no electricity. The dedicated physicist knows that it is the magnet that should move in order to generate electricity, so get moving.

Ampere's law is needed once the induction is complete. As even pre-school children know, magnets can store information. This is generally how computers work. Using the Ampere law of magnetic circuits, as each bit of information is transferred from the object of your desire, it needs to be stored within your own magnetic moments. To non-physicists, this is referred to as 'listening'. Ampere's law shows how this information flow is bidirectional. Quite often, to start the process, one object or the other has to initiate the flux. Again, non-physicists have a words for this: 'talking'. The initial contact has to be correct for the flux to commence. It is suggested the handshake phrase "Hi, I'm a physicist, bare with me" is a good opening connection interface protocol.

One the electricity is flowing, and the information is being stored, Coulomb's law comes into play. It does not really need repeating that this shows how increasing the magnetic field increases the attraction of the two magnetic sources. This can be achieved by continuing to follow Ampere's law, whilst applying Faraday's law, moving the object of your attraction to a quieter area. In order to continue to apply Ampere's law, lubrication is sometimes required. Any alcohol based product should have the desired effect. Be careful to keep the fields aligned during this process, as moving off the direction of force can result in instant repulsion.

Assuming all is going well; Gauss's laws come into play. Maxwell's amendments are not required, as they deal with magnets in a vacuum. High school physics shows that Gauss's law protects the Earth from the sun's charged particles by combing magnetic forces. This is also true between two attractors. If you have been talking, listening and lubricating correctly, the magnetic attraction will combine to produce one field that can rebuff other charged suitors.

After following all the steps correctly, it may be possible to discover Joule's law of heating, which can increase the heat in both magnetic objects as they move quickly against each other.

Good luck. And if all else fails, there's always Cole's Law. Which goes really well on a burger.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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