Written by Tawdry Soup
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Tags: Computers

Saturday, 15 January 2011

Archie: Eeeeeedaaath, how ya toin dis damn tang on?

Edith: Ohhh, Aruchie...you have to plug it in first. Look down here, see this plug?

Archie: Dangit Edith, quit messing around down der by my feets. Yer givin' me the damn creeps, der.

Edith: Oh, Aruchie, this will only take a second. There-now try turning it on. Press that blue button.

Archie: Yeahs, I can see dat its on, but now what?

Edith: You gotta let it warm up, just like the TV.

Archie: Ok, she's warmed up. Now let's look at dem emails the boys from the bar been sendin' me.

Edith: Here you go, Archie, now do just like Michael said when you get to this screen. Here is your emails. Just put the arrow here and press this button…

Archie: OK, OK Edith, I got it now, clear away from me, ya hear? You smotherin' me, der.

Edith: All right, Aruchie..I'll be in the kitchen making dinner.

Archie: Well try not to poison me again tonight. It took me four trips to the bathroom this morning to relieve myself of that goulash you cooked up last night.

Edith: Ohhhhh, Aruchie…

Just then Michael and Gloria walk through the front door.

Michael: Well, look who's decided to join the 21st century.

Gloria: Hi, Daddy!

Archie: Hi Sweetheart. Now shut up, Meathead, I'm trying to concentrate heah..It says heah in this email, sent from Stumpy Mcdoo, that the U.S. postal service is making a stamp of your President Obama, but nobody can make it stick on an envelope cuz everybody's spittin' on the wrong side.

Michael: That is the dumbest thing I ever heard. Stamps don't even require licking any more.

Archie: Here's something' else you didn't know, Mr. Smarty Pants, and this come right out of the horse's mouth: Yer President has just fired all the cattle guards in Oklahoma. Now the terrorists are gonna poison our meat..what do you think about that, Meathead?

Michael: What do I care? I don't even eat meat.

Archie: This is my house, and in my house, everybody eats meat.

Michael: Meat is murder, Archie.

Archie: This country was raised on meat and by God we are going to eat meat if it kills us!

Michael: Maybe that's why you sit on the commode for two hours every morning-from eating all that meat.

Archie: I sit on the commode for two hours every morning because it's the only place I can get away from you and YOUR STUPID IDEAS ABOUT MEAT!

Edith: Somebody want to help me set the table? Dinner's just about ready.

Michael: Sounds good. What are we having tonight, Ma?

Edith: Vegetarian chili. I got the recipe from Louise Blockner at our weekly ladies luncheon.

Gloria: Waaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh…

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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