Archie: Eeeeeedaaath, how ya toin dis damn tang on?
Edith: Ohhh, Aruchie...you have to plug it in first. Look down here, see this plug?
Archie: Dangit Edith, quit messing around down der by my feets. Yer givin' me the damn creeps, der.
Edith: Oh, Aruchie, this will only take a second. There-now try turning it on. Press that blue button.
Archie: Yeahs, I can see dat its on, but now what?
Edith: You gotta let it warm up, just like the TV.
Archie: Ok, she's warmed up. Now let's look at dem emails the boys from the bar been sendin' me.
Edith: Here you go, Archie, now do just like Michael said when you get to this screen. Here is your emails. Just put the arrow here and press this button…
Archie: OK, OK Edith, I got it now, clear away from me, ya hear? You smotherin' me, der.
Edith: All right, Aruchie..I'll be in the kitchen making dinner.
Archie: Well try not to poison me again tonight. It took me four trips to the bathroom this morning to relieve myself of that goulash you cooked up last night.
Edith: Ohhhhh, Aruchie…
Just then Michael and Gloria walk through the front door.
Michael: Well, look who's decided to join the 21st century.
Gloria: Hi, Daddy!
Archie: Hi Sweetheart. Now shut up, Meathead, I'm trying to concentrate heah..It says heah in this email, sent from Stumpy Mcdoo, that the U.S. postal service is making a stamp of your President Obama, but nobody can make it stick on an envelope cuz everybody's spittin' on the wrong side.
Michael: That is the dumbest thing I ever heard. Stamps don't even require licking any more.
Archie: Here's something' else you didn't know, Mr. Smarty Pants, and this come right out of the horse's mouth: Yer President has just fired all the cattle guards in Oklahoma. Now the terrorists are gonna poison our meat..what do you think about that, Meathead?
Michael: What do I care? I don't even eat meat.
Archie: This is my house, and in my house, everybody eats meat.
Michael: Meat is murder, Archie.
Archie: This country was raised on meat and by God we are going to eat meat if it kills us!
Michael: Maybe that's why you sit on the commode for two hours every morning-from eating all that meat.
Archie: I sit on the commode for two hours every morning because it's the only place I can get away from you and YOUR STUPID IDEAS ABOUT MEAT!
Edith: Somebody want to help me set the table? Dinner's just about ready.
Michael: Sounds good. What are we having tonight, Ma?
Edith: Vegetarian chili. I got the recipe from Louise Blockner at our weekly ladies luncheon.
Gloria: Waaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhhh…
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