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Sunday, 9 January 2011

image for Shylock Humes and the case of the missing cod Shylock disguised as Billy Connolly

Shylock arrived at the house in Gibbon road Hackney.

He hit the unpolished lions head knocker which hit him back with the words, "easy guvnor".
Recovering his composure, which he had dropped, Shylock, again, knocked on the door. Waiting no more than a few seconds, the door was opened, and before him stood Mrs Edna Spanky, the ninety year old Soho stripper.

"Yerssss, kin eye elp yoos"?

"Madam, I am Shylock Humes, and I believe you were robbed of a very expensive Cod this evening"

"No, that was Maud next door"

"Oh, I'm sorry, do forgive me, good evening"

"Yoos want to be surrey me lad, it takes me an hour to get to thu bog, and half hour to get off it"

"But you were seconds answering the door"

"I ad a bleedin curry las nite!"

Leaving Mrs Spanky, and moving along to the next door, Shylock rang the bell. Minutes later, Mrs Maud Belcher answered and seeing Shylock, shut the door in his face.

"Mrs Belcher!" Shouted Shylock; "I'm here about the missing Cod, can I have a word?".

The door opened, and Mr Belcher stood in the doorway.

"Wat you want."

"I have come with reference to the missing Cod you reported to the Hackney Police this evening".

"The cat ate it, now fuck off!"

And, Shylock did in fact, fuck off, ready to help the world solve another case.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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