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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

image for NewSouth Books Revises History In New Version Of "Huckleberry Finn."

NewSouth Books, a publisher located in Montgomery, Alabama, -- Ground Zero for racial tolerance-- has released a new version of Huckleberry Finn, replacing each instance of the N-word with "slave."


The Spoof Magazine...
...where freeform humor goes to die.

Of all the slurs...
...regarding Native Americans (and who knew there were that many,) my favorite has to be "Squaw-f--ker." Who thinks of these things? Probably the Spics.

General William T. Sherman's Special Field Order #15
enacted January 16, 1865 was to set aside the Sea Islands and a 30 mile Inland tract of land for the exclusive settlement of Blacks. Each family would receive 40 acres of land, and an army mule to work the land.

"We know that there are many people that wouldn't read 'Huckleberry Finn' because of the use of the N-word," said Kasper K. Klaus, NewSouth Director of White Guilt. "And now the Jungle-Bunnies have no excuse to not rush out and steal a copy of 'Huckleberry Finn' for themselves. Our first idea was to change the name to 'Huk Finn (feat. 50 Cent)' to get the nig-nogs to buy them, but we were afraid that 50 Cent would kill us."

In addition, NewSouth has replaced all instances of the term "Injun," in the Mark Twain classic, making the text nearly unintelligible:

I got an old tin lamp and an iron ring, and went out in the woods and rubbed and rubbed till I sweat like a Smallpox-Blanket Wearer, calculating to build a palace and sell it...

Well, I did. I said I wouldn't, and I'll stick to it. Honest Prairie-Darkie, I will. People would call me a low-down Abolitionist, but Honest Wagon Burner, that don't make no difference...

And then Tom he talked along and talked along, and says, le's all three slide out of here one of these nights and get an outfit, and go for howling adventures amongst the Redface Savage Cochese Squaw-f--kers, over in the Territory...

The initiative to update the book was led by Mark Twain scholar Alan Gribben, who said the change was made to better express Twain's ideas in the 21st century.

"Look we made some mistakes," said Gribben. "But we gave them 40 acres of land. And... and a mule, for Chrissakes. What more do they want?"

"Twain was a racist f--k, and he articulated it in 'Huckleberry Finn'," said Anthony Rosania, M. Ed., who utilizes his Master's degree to write d-ck jokes for some British website. "And we as white people bought millions of copies of it."

"You want to repair the damage, go back in time and replace 'nigger' with 'sir'. And since we can't do that, deal with the fact that evidence of our sins against blacks in America will live forever in the books written by those who expressed the same opinions we held, as a nation."

In February, NewSouth Books will release "Strange Fruit, Indeed," a biography of Michael Jackson.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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