Written by Lady Godiva
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

image for Earthquake hits northern England - Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones share their story Old man caught in earthquake in Morrisons, Middlesbrough. His teeth fell out...read story

Earthquake hits northern England. Tremors felt for miles around.

A small earthquake hit northern England today. Takwana Smith and friend Anitakapta Jones, both of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, were just sitting down to lunch at their favourite restaurant in Morrisons, Berwick Hills branch.

Our reporter was inside the store following up on an unrelated story when the 'quake hit. When things had settled down she approached Takwana and Anitakapita for their views of the 'quake.

"Well A wernt skerd a' ferst were A Anitakapita? Woz you?" asked Takwana.

Not waiting for an answer she continued,

"See, a' ferst A though' i' were jus' this big fa' lass an' 'er boyfriend sittin' down a' the next table like. But everythin' were shakin' AFTER the two fa' buggers 'ad sa' down so A new i' were somethin' werserer. Din' you Anita?"

"Yerradid coz the old fella sittin' next to us dived down under the table an' 'it 'is 'ed on the me'al pole tha' were 'olding the table up. 'Is false teeth flew out an' A couldn' stop laughin' could A Takwana?"

"Nor you couldn' yer rotten cow. Mind you, 'e wasn' ert nor owt an' 'e just picked up 'is teeth, dipped them in 'is cuppa tea and stuck'em back in 'is gob like."

When asked how they felt once the tremours had stopped Takwana said, with a grin,

"Well we woz more shaken than sterred, as James Bond would say, wern' we?"

"Course we was. Bu' we're late fer the Bingo so see yers la'er eh chuck?"

With that they grabbed their bags and trotted off for the bus to Bingo.

More on these colourful characters as we catch up with them.

Morrisons Specials: Cracked cups, mugs, plates and bowls ALL half price, following the 'quake'.

Bruised fruit l0 pence per bag.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^