Written by Craig Meighan
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Monday, 28 August 2006

image for The Greatest Name of All Time Paul Hogan has the mental power of rust.

Gather round children, it's storytime.

Once upon a time a Scotsman, an American and an Australian went in search of the greatest Name of all time. Their names were Craig Meighan, Joe Pesci and Paul Hogan.
These weakly named warriors set off in search of new titles.

The first place they looked was the phone book. However Joe Pesci is highly allergic to phone books and was almost killed with "puffy face reaction". Craig Meighan was forced to take him in a rickshaw to the ER immediately! However this left Paul Hogan with the task of sifting through the Thomsons Local trying to find the greatest name of all time and as we all well know Paul Hogan is unable to read or write and has the mental power of rust. When Craig Meighan returned with the recouperating Joe Pesci they found that Paul Hogan had tried to eat the phone book! Oh no!

The next place they tried was the internet. They searched for "Greatest Name Ever" on google. However just as they were about to get the results Joe Pesci went into spasm as he is highly allergic to the Internet and was almost killed from "Heart Pain/Head Pain Disease". Craig Meighan was forced to take his hovercraft and drive Joe Pesci to the Hospital quick-smart. However this left Paul Hogan with the task of looking at the results to see if the greatest ever name was there and as we all well know Paul Hogan is unable to operate computer equipment and has the IQ of marmalade. When Craig Meighan returned with the recovering Joe Pesci they found Paul Hogan had tried to eat the computer! Drat! When this had failed Paul Hogan then tried to make sweet, sweet love to the poor machine and almost electrocuted himself! Double Drat!!

Suddenly the team got an anonymous tip off by phone to their Headquarters it said that there was a man in Swindon who had all the answers they craved. However Joe Pesci is highly allergic to anonymous tip-offs and came out in a most uncomfortable rash. Craig Meighan had to put Joe Pesci in the back of his pedalo and paddle to A&E like it was a cake and he was a person who was hungry for cake. Meanwhile Paul Hogan arrived in Swindon via scooter and entered the address of the tip off. He appraoched a monk who was floating in mid air in the centre of an abandoned Delicatessan. He began to say "I have come in search..." but the monk waved a knowing hand and said "I have been expecting you for some time my son, in fact it has been over three days since my tip off where have you been?" Paul Hogan mumbled an excuse about traffic but as we all well know Paul Hogan cannot drive a scooter and has the same level of intelligence as a dildo. The monk signalled him to come closer and said "the greatest name of all time is..................... Midnight Valentino".

Paul Hogan took a moment, straightened his hat and said

"You call that a name? This is a name!"

Paul Hogan then uttered the greatest name of all time.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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