Written by Lady Godiva
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Monday, 3 January 2011

image for Newby Isle of Wight Preparing for Easter BEFORE Christmas Easter eggs - ever popular at Easter

Residents of Newby, Isle of Wight, recently heard that Tesco's have already put out Easter Eggs on their shelves. This 'dastardly deed' was carried out on Boxing Day.

Newby residents don't seem to think of this as strange at all as new Mayor of Newby, Arthur Askme, said,

"We folk of Newby always like to get an' ed start on thee 'olidays. What's the point o' waiting 'till last minute?

Our traditional meal for Easter is Rabbit Stew so we 'ave to get them rabbits matin' as soon as possible in order to 'ave enough rabbit meat for the villagers and guests.

Also, the ladies of the Newby Women's Institute hand-make ALL chocolate eggs for sale in local shops. It takes ages so they like to start around Hallowe'en."

When asked if eating Rabbit Stew at Easter upset the children, seeing as how it's said that the Easter Bunny brings the chocolate eggs, Mayor, Arthur Askme answered,

"No. Not at all, because we don't have an Easter Bunny delivering eggs, we have the traditional Easter Penguin in this 'ere village. 'Ave done since the Easter Bunny costume caught fire in 1921 when the fella wearing it stood too near an open flame. The costume was the one worn by an adult so the kiddies could 'ave their pictures taken with the 'then' Easter Bunny.

We 'ad Mother Superior from the convent, step in righ' quickly like...coz she 'ad 'er own costume, 'er 'abit. she were dead popular so after that...we decided to switch to an Easter Penguin to be a little bit different to all the other villages on the island."

Other Easter tradition in the village of Newby include fun competitions such as:

'Who can tie their shoelaces the fastest'
(Various age groups from 4 - 94)

'Who can spit the farthest from a standing start'

'The Four Legged Race'
(Three contestants per team - middle person facing the opposite way to the other two)

and

Throwing thy neighbour
(Self explanatory)

We promised to return to Newby to witness the fesitivities and have been invitied to join in the fun and games.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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