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Monday, 3 January 2011

image for Real Lives: The Hairdresser Larry greeting our reporter

Today, we speak to Larry Limpit, Hairdresser to the stars.


HELLO LARRY, WHEN DID YOU START HAIRDRESSING?

"Oh, let me see, it was just after my mother had her veins done, and Slack Alice had the bends. So it would be about 1966 in the winter, cos I had the palsy."

DO YOU ENJOY YOUR WORK?

"Love every minute of it sweety, the glamour, the drama, Everhard with his tantrums, every day is different, except fridays when we go to bingo, I never win! Yes, its the other love of my life".

WHO'S YOUR FIRST LOVE?

"Saucy! It's Soap Sud Sam, the window cleaner, we've been friends for twenty years and never had a cross word.
We go everywhere together, last week we were in Lourdes, to try and get his hernia fixed. He looked like a prune by the time he got out of the water. still got the swelling! Poor love. He's a brick."

IS YOUR JOB HARD AT TIMES?

"Let me tell you, dear, look at these hands, go on, have a varda at these mits, as delicate as a water biscuit! And I soldier on day after day. Everhard cries rivers when he sees me whincing while doing a perm. I've had it all down the one side, I think its the milk, and still stood here and done three blue rinses and a back comb."

YOUR 65 WILL YOU RETIRE?

"Me dear, 65 dear, no dear! How very dare you! I'm 45 and in the prime of my life! Oh! If Sam had heard you say that!
He's a vagabond with his leather!"

SORRY, WE THOUGHT......

"Thats the problem love, no one thinks today, they just come out with it! Oh I could never talk to my clients like that, what would Terry Wogan think of me if I told all and sundry he wears wigs? She would be devistated."


WELL, THANK YOU LARRY FOR YOUR TIME.

"Nice to see you dear, pay at the counter love"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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